TeenSpot.com - Profiles - theoffsuitdeuce

Personal Space

Time for some new content. In the interest of cutting down on the bullshit that real people have to deal with on here every time we make the mistake of visiting, I'm going to provide a free "Chat-to-English" dictionary, with some trends I've identified. So here goes:

"...not fat, not skinny..." = fat.

"...thick..." = very very fat.

Any misspelled version of "sexy" in a line of text (i.e. "secksi", "sexay", "sexi", "sexe", "sexxxiiii", etc. ad nauseum) = ugly and desperate.

"I like smirnoff." = I've never had a drink before, but I don't want to seem like the friendless loser that I am.

"I'm not like anyone you've ever met." = I'm exactly like everyone else.

"Music is my life." = I have no life whatsoever, and try to find nonexistent messages in poorly written music because I'm desperately trying to validate my existence.

"I like a guy with personality." = I don't know WHAT kind of personality that is, exactly; just the fact that he has one will be more than I can say for myself.

"I love to make people laugh." = I can only make people laugh when I routinely fall on my ass.

"Sexy girl for RP" + "The profile you requested has been set to private." = DUDE. Probably an old dude.

"17/f/us, 5'4" 105lbs 36D cheerleader for RP." = If female at all, then she's a 305 lb acne specimen.

"I'm really bored." = I'm really boring, and I'll try to make it your fault.

"Please be original." = Please offset my stunning lack of originality.

"I'm bisexual, and if you don't like it, you can fuck off." = I'm too ugly, prudish, or inexperienced, to have ever been alone with a guy, so I must obviously like girls sexually...

"To talk to me, hit 99." = I want to see how much of a sap you'll be, and making you type random numbers is a good indicator.

"I like older guys." = I'm ugly and useless, and the only people desperate enough to want me, and still assuage my ego, are older.

"I like older guys." + "The profile you requested has been set to private." = Dude, at the very least; possibly moderator, or some amateur cop-wannabe mother trying to "protect my family".

"I haven't met the right guy yet." = I've been duped by enough romantic dramas to think that I a) need the "right guy" in order to enjoy my life, and b) think that I should have done that by the age of 14.

"I've had so much heartbreak." = I am trying to validate my existence thus far by making it seem significant, rather than completely ignorable, as it actually is.

"Older guy looking for younger girls." = Freak who will murder you. Nothing wrong with getting a younger girl...its the "looking for" part that's scary.

"Goth" = immature.

"Emo" = immature and weak.

"Punk" = immature and aggressive.

"Skater" = immature and easily amused.

"No pervs" = This can mean one of three things:

1. I'm dumb enough to believe that saying two words after my message will scare away any actual perverts (as in, "Oops! Well I was going to message her and spank off, but now that she put "no pervs" down, I guess I'll go and contemplate life instead.")

2. I'm dumb enough to equate a desire to have sex with "perversion".

3. I want to make this conversation about me and what I want.

"...(repeating the same message time after time after time after time...)..." = Desperate, not real, not original, stupid, or any combination thereof.

"I have a cam" = I don't have a cam.

"Clean chat only please" = I don't know enough about sex to even discuss it, let alone have it.

I'm leaving this up until someone gets it. Suck it.

8/30: "...In the clear white circles of morning wonder,
I take my place with the lord of the hills..."

8/29: "...Your bread and water's going cold,
Your hair's too short and neat..."

8/28: "...You meet the stares,
You're unaware,
That your doings aren't done..."

8/27: "...So come on all you criminals,
I've got to put you straight
Just like I did with my old man
Twenty years too late..."

8/26: "...No one to help you get up steam,
And the whirlpool turns you way off beam..."

8/25: "...I've come down from the upper class
To mend your rotten ways..."

8/24: "...But your new shoes are worn at the heels
And your suntan does rapidly peel..."

8/23: "...God is an overwhelming responsibility..."

8/22: "...The elastic retreat rings the close of play
As the last wave uncovers the newfangled way..."

8/21: "...We'll take a child from him,
Put it to the test;
Teach him to be a wise man,
How to fool the rest..."

8/20: "...We'll have Superman for President,
Let Robin save the day..."

8/19: "...The tireless oppression, the wisdom instilled,
The desire to kill or be killed..."

8/18: "...My words but a whisper,
Your deafness a shout..."

8/17: "...And you laugh most ruthlessly
As you tell us what not to be..."

8/16: "...You follow the example of the comic-paper idol
who lets you bend the rules..."

8/15: "...The poet sheathes his pen, while the soldier lifts his sword..."

8/14: "..."I'll judge you all and make damn sure
That no one judges me..."

8/13: "...You curl your toes in fun as you smile at everyone..."

8/12: "...You put your bet on number one, and it comes up every time;
The other kids have all backed down and they put you first in line..."

8/11: "...The pavements are empty,
The gutters run red,
While the fool toasts his God in the sky..."

8/10: "...Would you be the fool stood in his suit of armor,
Or the wiser man who rushes clear?..."

8/9: "...Spin me back down the years and the days of my youth;
Draw the lace and black curtains and shut out the whole truth..."

8/8: "...We'll make a man of him, put him to a trade;
Teach him to play Monopoly, how to sing in the rain..."

8/7: "...Let me help you to pick up your dead
As the sins of the father are fed..."

8/6: "...What do you do when the old man's gone:
Do you want to be him?
And your real self sings the song:
Do you want to free him?..."

8/5: "...The doer and the thinker,
No allowance for the other..."

8/4: "...The poet and the wise man stand behind the gun,
Behind the gun;
And signal for the crack of dawn: Light the sun,
Light the sun..."

8/3: "...Let me sing of the losers who lie
In the street as the last bus goes by..."

8/2: "...And the youngest of the family is moving with authority;
Building castles by the sea,
He dares the tardy tide to wash them all aside...."

About Me

My name is Will Yesterday.

"The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person."

-PJ O'Rourke

Is anyone out there capable of independence? I mean real independence, not just the pseudo-independence that comes with political/social/cultural/economic punk mentalities (i.e. simply being contrary for the sake of SEEMING independent--goths, hippies, skaters, other assorted mororns). Is anyone out there capable of thought?

Oh, and anyone who "owns" someone else's pictures, or wants to, is either gay, or too much of a pussy to actually get some pussy. Come on people. Anytime I see "nick4chix OWNZ", I know that both people have had frontal lobotomies. Girls, is your self-esteem so low that having people demand to "own" a picture you stole from your hot best friend makes you feel better? And guys, are you so desperate for any female attention that having a girl post that you "own" a FUCKING PICTURE makes yet another night of masturbation seem any better?

(If you had to read that last paragraph more than once to understand it, do me a personal favor and never meet me. Thanks in advance.)

One more thought on this subject. No matter how naked you can make yourself, if you're still taking all of your pictures by yourself, then, believe me, that says more about you than your willingness to show off every one of the 240 lbs you're carrying does.

Everyone's a hardass online. How many people do you read with profiles that say "I'm really sweet, like Shirley Temple, but if you get on my bad side, I WILL FUCK YOU UP LIKE I'M MOTHERFUCKING KING KONG, BITCHEZ!!!!!11" No you won't. You'll talk about someone behind their back, and then bitch about it when they do the same to you, because none of you has any real stones. Oh, sure, you have balls when you're online. The fact is, however, that you're sixteen, and not only stupider than a bag of dirt, but also about as likely to make any real impact in the world. You do not stick up for your "frienzzz", because they aren't real friends; they're whatever similarly-simian scrub you happen to have allied yourself with this week.

Furthermore (and you know who you are, ....everyone...), the idea that you "don't really care" about other people's opinions slays me. That is absolutely the most ironic statement I've ever heard. The fact of the matter is that you absolutely care, every second and all the time, about what not only friends but enemies think of you. You just can't let them know that you're a follower and not a leader, so you write that kind of shit. A leader knows he's leading; a follower states that he's leading.

Specifics

Gender:	Male
Sexuality:	Straight
Relationship:	No Answer
Location:	United States
Birthday:	November 11, 1988

Interests

Music:	Beatles, Jethro Tull, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Joe Cocker, ZZ Top, Cream, Dire Straits, Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac, Steve Miller Band, Allman Brothers Band, Doors, The Who, Eric Clapton, Elton John, Billy Joel, David Bowie, Queen, Three Dog Night, Doobie Brothers, Jimi Hendrix, The Eagles, Carlos Santana, Black Sabbath, The Band, R.E.M., Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Soundgarden, Tool, Franz Ferdinand, Josh Radin, to name just a couple- basically Classic Rock (especially prog rock), Early alternative, specifically grunge, specifically NOT Green Day, and specifically not 90% of punk from any era (and definitely not 100% of punk from the past 20 years), and whatever's pleasant to listen to outside of that.
Television:	House, 24, Psych, Burn Notice, Scrubs anything ESPN (other than failed attempts like Dream Job and Stump the Schwab...), NewsRadio, Seinfeld...etc... Oh, and Tina Fey is fucking overrated. She wrote for SNL, and hasn't had a single...anything...outside NBC/Universal. I just want to know: what exec is she sleeping with? Seriously, since when is Tina Fey a comedienne who's paid her dues, done the stand up route, and worked her way up honestly? Come on. She's not a genius, she's in fact barely funny. Mean Girls isn't humor, it's a two-hour waste of time, and 30 Rock is a stretch to say the least. And if you think I'm wrong, check the ratings last year for Thursdays, and notice that Scrubs was outdrawing both 30 Rock AND Earl, and then see which show got thrown under a bus...wasn't the one kept afloat by Tina Fey's willingness to blow Dick Ebersol, et al, I can tell you that. And you only win Emmy awards if you get nominated, and you only get nominated by your network, so since NBC has had more invested in making Tina Fey a star than intellectual honesty and humor, guess which show gets the nod for "Best Comedy"? Hint: it wasn't the actual funniest show on TV, or even that network, or even that day of the week. In fact, on NBC Thursdays, it wasn't in the top three.
Movies:	i like lots- i hate lots too- i'm too lazy to type them all out- ask if you must One thing to mention here- the greatest pieces of film ever produced are the NFL Films Super Bowl highlights shows from the John Facenda era (specifically, Super Bowls III, IV, VII, X, XIII, and XIV), and even a couple more recent ones (XXV, XXX, and XXXVIII), although the more recent ones are best because they're also about really good games. Seriously though, I will absolutely get tears in my eyes watching Vince Ferragamo sling the ball down the field toward the end of XIV whilst "Classic Battle" is the background music, or Billy Kilmer and Larry Allen move the Redskins for one final drive, before the ball doinks off the goalpost to prevent a game-changing touchdown. Sports are vastly superior to, and are so much more real than, weepy, retarded, dumbass "My Chemical Romance" videos, that's all.
People:	probably not you (Edit: NEVER you.) Oh, and if you're fat, don't say you're "thick." That makes you sound like sludge. Say you're overweight, if that's what you are. I don't expect you to describe yourself as "ugly" (I've never been capable of judging my own appearance, so I don't expect that of others), but you know if you are fat. Don't pass it off as just another characteristic for a guy to say "Yes" or "No" to. The only guys that actively like fat girls are the ones that got so totally and completely rejected by every good looking girl they were ever around that they diseased themselves into believing that fat girls were actually what they wanted from day one. And, fat girls, I understand that you want a guy that wants you BECAUSE you're fat, but really: how mentally unbalanced of a guy are you willing to tolerate just to feel loved? I would think it'd be much safer to just accept the fact that the guy would trade you for a better model, but is too ugly himself to do so. After all, you'd do the same and not think twice.
Books:	1984, stranger in a strange land, hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, i hope they serve beer in hell, brave new world
Places:	Huddle House, 3rd Base, Bar Noir, Monte Ne Inn, Westline Inn
Foods:	Everything. It sounds ridiculous...but, really, unless its intentionally shitty (read: McDonalds, pre-packaged flash-frozen chicken fingers, etc), I'm sure I'll love it.
Drinks:	I like good kentucky bourbons (Maker's mark, knob creek, as well as the rest of the Beam family stuff- nothing elaborate, but decent), good vodkas (for the money, skyy is the best, but i like Three Olives, and I'd drink Svedka if not for the fact that it's Swedish...oh, and for all you rap fans, Grey Goose is UNBELIEVABLY overrated), good Gin (Bombay Sapphire, Tanqueray Ten, i've got a soft spot for Beefeaters and Seagram's Extra), decent beer (Labatt, Molson, Yuengling, hell I even like High Life, so I'm not picky). Seems like anyone who says "vodka", but can't identify a single brand of it, ever, is clearly a fake drinker. Chances are that this person has had a total of three drinks in their life, it was over a year ago, but they use it to sound wild while they're online. Beware this phenomenon.
Sports:	Hockey (play), Tennis (play), Football (coaching)
Other:	Things I've made fun of, which have since disappeared: 1) "Sex on the beach" is no longer consumed, or spoken of. 2) "Randomness" as a personality descriptor (usually in a smug, self-satisfying sense). 3) People referring to fizzy, barely-alcoholic "malt beverages" solely by the name of the company that produces it (i.e. calling Smirnoff Ice "Smirnoff", etc- at least so far as I can tell, when people say "Smirnoff" now, they are referring to vodka). 4) People liking Green Day (I don't mean people SAYING they like Green Day; I believe their actual fan base has shrunk drastically). 5) Kardashians, of any sort. Actually, anyone who flashes their beav' on video to boost their 'career' (Paris Hilton, Jessica Sierra, Dustin Diamond...) has been shrinking from view, with the notable exception of Pamela Anderson. 'Bout time.

Member Facts

Join Date:	December 16, 2005
Profile Views:	2178
Total Logins:	1504
Last Active:	1 day ago

Latest Comments

RHnikkiCP	August 24, 2008 10:52 AM
	im from PA, i like to do anything outdoors, hiking, biking, pretty much anything :) and just hanging out with friends, im very mellow. what about you?
RHnikkiCP	August 23, 2008 11:27 PM
	heyy thanks for responding to my friend request :)
sexysweety1415	August 2, 2008 01:09 AM
	ya
sexysweety1415	August 2, 2008 01:03 AM
	ya maybe tommorow u could come lol
sexysweety1415	August 2, 2008 12:58 AM
	lol ya i think ur cool anough
sexysweety1415	August 2, 2008 12:28 AM
	lol ya so far but dont expect me to be 2morrow im goin to a movie then a party so XD
sexysweety1415	August 2, 2008 12:21 AM
	haha lol i went to one tonight already but not a major one jus a an amiture tryin to pull it off
sexysweety1415	August 2, 2008 12:11 AM
	n2m u
sexysweety1415	August 1, 2008 01:17 AM
	nice 2 meet u 2
sexysweety1415	August 1, 2008 01:15 AM
	i will btw im katelynn
Lettycaligirl15	March 23, 2008 04:33 PM
	love ur profile so true about so many things... Really like pop quiz number 2 answer B....:)
ohhh__britt	January 1, 2008 02:07 PM
	I love your about me, very smart.
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