the day of my youngest brothers 4th birthday was the day it all went terribly wrong. i'm not sure why i'm writing about this, i'm not looking for sympathy i just feel like i have to, the day my mother died. it still doesnt feel real.

it was the 15th of october, two years ago today.
the morning of my brothers birthday was beautiful. tt was meant to be a very special day so my mother invited my brothers father to spend the day with his son seen as he hadnt in awhile. he brought a lot of presents for daiman so my two brothers were very occupied with all of that to see what happened next. i was standing at the bench about to call my best friend to ask what time she was meant to be arriving for the party when my mum collapsed, out of no where. she looked up at me from off the kitchen floor, smiled and started making very scary noises, obviously trying to breathe. I called out to dave (daimans dad) to come help because I had no idea what was happening. when my brothers heard me screaming they ran into the kitchen & saw their mother dying on their kitchen floor, of course we didnt know that yet.

when dave finally came into the room I some how explained what had just happened, I cant remember what I said. dave told me to grab a wet cloth to put over my mums forehead. dave wouldnt let me call the hospital so instead he called my mums best friend.

when we arrived at the hospital, we rushed her into the emergency part, explained to the doctors everything then we had to sit in the waiting room for about 6 hours. I had to fill out a lot of paper work. while I was sitting alone in that very tiny room I decided to go for a little walk outside. as I was about to head out the door I saw my mums friend & my other brothers dad crying and hugging, I knew it, I knew what I would be told when I walked out there. I put a brave face on and walked out like I had seen nothing, after about 1minute of me standing outside staring at the sky my brothers dad told me, in these exact words; Im sorry baby, but mummys not going to make it. I started screaming as my brothers dad grabbed me and held me tight, i started punching him and telling him to let me go. he wouldnt. I dont remember anything after that moment other than my father arriving at the hospital and him running up to me and telling me that he is going to take care of me.

my mother spent the night in the hospital bed, I sat by her all night watching all the people come to say goodbye to her because they werent going to keep her on life support machine for very long. I remember sitting by her death bed wiping her eyes because they had put some sort of ointment on them and it kept dripping down her face and into her ears, I remember seeing my mums blood dripping from under her onto the floor, I remember seeing my grandfather cry for the first time ever.

the next day at around 11am the doctor turned off the life support machine, while they did that I grabbed my mums hand, and held it very tight. she was so cold, it was not fair. my mother, the women who gave birth to me died that day.

&it still, doesnt feel real.