This Is Who I Am.

18 / F / US

Mood: thoughtful
Music: Killswitch Engage

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Dad.

I never understood why you hurt us
my brother and I never done anything
besides take the abuse we never diserved
and pushing ourselves to do better in life.

Then one day you say the words.
The words that kill the words of hate.
You told us you hate us,
And that we were mistakes.

Of course we had people telling us diffrent
we had each other to support from then on out.
we never come to you for help
but you always come to us.

when you needed something it was kids heres some cash
when you wanted something it was go do this or else
when you were mad we were your targets.
but we never let you get to us.

Then we left you like you left us
in the dark to fight for yourself
and when we did you got mad
its not something we didnt expect

You cussed at us
told us we were no good.
told us we were like our real mother.
those were the words that hurt the most...

Thats when we packed our stuff.
When we were both still really young.
we grabed our bags and left for good.
and ended up in foster homes.

Then a year later you showed back up
trying to appoligize.
we both looked at u in disgust
that you could let your kids go that easy.

You lied to us told us things were better
you were off the drugs and alcohol..
and we decided a second chance wasnt to much to give you.
but you blew it.

When we left the second time we asked not to see you
we didnt want to hear your voice or be reminded of the pain.
and now we are both doing great
we didnt need you or mom in our lives

we have our family now.
its our foster parents
they have taught us how to live
and helped us through the pain

but honestly we do still wonder.
do u remeber that you have your kids
i mean its been 4 years since we saw your face
you could have easly forgotten us.

do you remeber the pain you put us through..
or are you still alive from your own stupidity.
we dont hear anything about you anymore
they stoped updating us when i asked them to.

but the question we have to ask the most.
did you screw up anymore kids lives...
and put them through this tourchure
because thats the last thing we wanted after this.

this is my goodbye to you.
this is the last i have to say.
if your alive i wish you luck
if not i hope god had mercy on you

after this im through with wondering
the questions are burried.
just like the pain
but anyway thanks dad... and mom... for teaching us how to live when we were kids.

-something i wrote for my real parents right after i turned 18 because i wanted them completly out of my life.. this was the best i could do when the court told me my mom was looking for me... i didnt want to see either of them after everything they done...

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