i write Poetry heres some of my pomes u can see them on poetry.com
what i say here is true
the day is perfect i say
as long as i
spend it with u
-----///-----Please
----///-----Put This
---|||---|||---On Your
---|||---|||---profile If
---|||---|||---You Know
-----///----Someone
-----///-----Who Died
------///-----Of or is
-----///----suffering
----///-----with cancer
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston.
One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.
Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines.
The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," said the Soldier, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier's shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier's other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston.
As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" the Soldier asked.
"This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"
Note: This is an extract of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! that's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."
INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm."
INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.
"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."
Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands".
Teacher looks in shock at Johnny and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.
Johnny replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking!"
A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 am. His wife is sleeping and he's trying to sneak into bed. He's lying in bed for a few minutes and farts.
His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown - I'm winning, 7 nothing."
She thinks to herself, "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
Now he thinks, "I'm gonna give her a doozy." He's lying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
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