"In every man's remembrances there are things he will not reveal to everybody but only to his friends.
There are other things he will not reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and then only under a pledge of secrecy.
Finally, there are some things that a man is afraid to reveal even to himself, and any honest man accumulates a pretty fair number of such things.
But now, when I am not only remembering, but have decided to write them down, now I want to test whether it is possibly to be completely open with oneself and not be afraid of the whole truth."
Perhaps, describing myself in an about me will never really showcase the person I am. I can bring myself to sound like an empathetic, compassionate person or I can simply reduce myself to nothing more than an insignificant teenager. Even though I don't believe I am the latter, calling myself empathetic and compassion --- I don't deserve such adjectives easily. My life will be constantly trying to uphold actions that you may describe with those previous adjectives; however I do not want to live my life to prove something to anyone, except myself. But don't we live in a somewhat selfish world, where we focus on ourselves already? I read other's about me's but seldom read my own because really, I don't find myself to be an interesting person. At times, I'm afraid I even come across as pretentious. However, I am pretty approachable and I don't consider myself intimidating. I won't give you the cliche that 'I'm not perfect' (even though sadly it's true) but I'm always trying to better myself. And maybe that's why I refuse to be happy -- to be content. I can't be content knowing of other people's suffrage and pain because it resonates with my own pain and suffering. However, I do not like to go into detail about my own (I am a liar; case in point, my songs) A lot of the times, I don't even like to think about it.
For awhile, I childishly wanted to be known across the world for having an impact on someone's life but associating the acknowledgment with the deed would ultimately take away the actual intention of mine. So, whether or not anyone knows my name, I hope that what I do, what I write, and what I say makes a difference -- has a significance. If that significance is mentioned, great, it may inspire someone to do the same.
I have many obsessions and likings and I try to keep an open mind. I read a lot and I listen to a lot of music. I watch a lot of shows and I also go on the computer a lot. I'm your average teenager with your not-so average desires of the heart. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm biologically too young. Yeah, I'm boasting by calling myself mature (sorry! D:) but I think it fits. However, I usually don't let my maturity show. I'm pretty much a personal clutter pending organization and you can expect hyper induced sentences from me. This -- my about me -- is as serious as I get. Although, I will speak my mind about anything if I am personally offended. I like to give a voice to the people who don't care to defend themselves because they're too busy trying to survive. There is a huge difference in survival and living. One day, I hope I can live my life instead of floating by with days that I'll never care to remember.
I am a pretty sensitive person and I will cry about anything; tears of laughter, joy, despair, etc. Tears are inevitably me. At the same time, it is extremely easy to make me smile or laugh. I try to find reasons to do that. A baby smiling and laughing, having a conversation with middle aged people and above, and hearing about success stories even when adversity is dominant. As well, I can get depressed easily. These days, I've realized that my depression is wallowing in my own self-pity and that rising above that will make me a happier person. Though happiness for myself isn't necessary. I wouldn't take away anything that I've gone through for an easier life. Life isn't supposed to be easy because simply put we would be bored and ungrateful for what we have. As a result for not having the easiest life, I try to be very grateful for what I have even though I still tend to be bored. But that's what books, tv, music, pop culture, and friends are for. Maybe even Teenspot. Ugh.
I wish I had genetic-given powers or newfound radioactive abilities but I think God has given me enough to make an impact. And He gave you enough too. (:
For that reason, we should be friends and I shall ramble like I always do. Long comments tend to be my best and short I'll probably try to be funny and fail. D:
Simply, I'm Beech. Birth name:Bushra Shahbaz Toppa.
Which translates to "Good news Eagle Rice."
I'm a proud Pakistani.
Even though some people are convinced that I'm Mexican, Indian, Native American, and/or whatever ethnicity pops in their head.
I'm 14, 15 on May 2nd.
I live in Texas but I'm from New York. Thirteen years of my life.
I have five siblings. Fourth born out of six children. Three older sisters, one younger sister, and one younger brother.
Still want to know more? Comment.
I would like to say I don't bite but I've been known to lick.
But that's your fault for being delicious.
Newly Discovered Favorite Band: The Birthday Massacre The Postal Service Tokyo Police Club
Current Favorite Band: The Smiths
60's, 70's, 80's rock, indie, british indie, japanese pop, japanese rock, punk, folk rock, hardcore, ska, reggae, new age, post-punk, electro rock, nu-metal, japanese r&B/hip hop, alternative, folk rock, european disco, american disco, hip-hop/rap, 90's rap, techno, experimental, grunge rock, emo, screamo, bollywood songs, russian pop, The Smiths & Morrissey
And that's just to name a few. xP
Books:
"You thirst for life, and you try to solve life's problems with muddled logic. And how troublesome and impudent your tricks are, and yet at the same time how terrified you are! You talk nonsense, and are satisfied with it; you argue rude, but at the same time you are afraid of the consequences and beg our pardon. You assure us that you are afraid of nothing, and yet you try to coax us to be on your side. You try to convince us that your teeth are clenched, and yet at the same time you crack jokes to make us laugh. You know your witticisms are not very clever, but you are obviously quite satisfied with their literary merit. Perhaps you really have had to suffer sometimes, but you have no respect for your own sufferings. There is truth in you, but no virtue; out of the pettiest vanity you carry your truth to market to be exposed to scorn and shame....You really do want to say something, but you keep your last word hidden, because you haven't the resolution to speak it, only cowardly impudence. You pride yourself on your intellectual power, but you do nothing but vacillate, because although your brain works, your heart is clouded with depravity, and without a pure heart there can be no full, correct understanding. And you are so importunate, so thrusting, so full of airs and graces! Lies, lies, all lies!"
Notes From The Underground Fyodor Dostoyevesky
Other:
www.freewebs.com/selfdeprecation
Only Children Weep
Another day, another poem
Another song, another hum
It could all be perfect with radiance and a colorful gradient
But for some reason, I'm fixated with this need to repair
And I feel like each day I've forgotten to dare
Within the midst of satisfaction
The yore is becoming thin
And will you all like my new self assurance
Or prefer the someone I was once?
From time to time, I still stutter incomprehensible mentions
of things you've never seen or heard
From time to time, this heart flutters unpredictable dimensions
of things you've never felt occur
And I wonder if this someone else misses it's former self
Personal hells have become homes to the socially departed
And even though I've found a new residence
My inconsistencies will be unguarded
And obvious openings in my conduct will make you wonder
if I am a personal clutter pending organization
Another way, another atone
Another wrong, am I alone?
It could all be perfect with abundance and a secure refund
But for some reason, I'm fixated with this need of despair
And I feel like each day I've forgotten to care
Within this midst of complication
The floor is becoming pinned
And do you feel like self denying ordinance
has relevance to who I've been since?
From time to time, I still mutter unwarrantable tension
of things I always mean to deter
From time to time, this heart flutters inadmissible retention
of things you've never heard before
And I wonder if this someone else misses it's former self
Personal hells have become homes to the socially departed
And even though I've found a new residence
My inconsistencies will be unguarded
And obvious openings in my conduct will make you wonder
if I am a personal clutter pending organization
Another day, another poem
Another song, another hum
It could all be perfect with radiance and a colorful gradient
But for some reason, I'm fixated with this need to repair
That's one of the reasons I REALLY! like talking to you! You understand things yayyy :D<3! Haha. And you're right! Honestly, the only reason I believe my dad is reading it is because he knows he's fcked up and thinks that by reading it, it'll erase his badmarks in the snap of a finger. Sorry, you can't be a hypocrite and expect the doorway to heaven like that.
Haha awhh xD I can say the same thing about you too, dear. (:
I used to be like that with my friend named Thomas, but then I started not to like him anymore and so now we're just friends.
OoohLaLa (;
He sat behind you because he wanted to smell you (; Hah.
I would suspect jealousy as well! That's what happened to Shay today haha.
I think at this rate, you're bound to get somewhere. I mean, You asked him about glue, you know ;D! Hahah <3 This is so cute.
Yayyy! That's good!
Haha, I bombed my math test today, and found out my psychology teacher phreakin' hates me. Godddd. lol.
Lol! Bushra you're so cute! I always call people by their original names, nicknames don't flow with me if the name is nice :D And how you were like "why're you calling me that" made me laugh. I would've been like "it's only your name..dee da deee" xD
Same here! Ohmygosh! Today in my seventh hour my friend Silva wasn't fasting because she was at the hospital and she popped out a cheese burger from her purse and I was like "damn girl" and she was like "shut up, lemme eat" to everyone because all the guys were screwing around and where like "Sliva I'm so hungry, why do you smell like cheese burgers?" It was funny.
Lol even Allie said that too because today I saw him again and he was like staring at me and I glanced over and he smiled a shy smile and just kept walking. Wow I sounded like an author. But anyway yeah but everything happens for a reason. Now I can actually look at the kid and not be dumbfounded xD
You have to talk to him Bushra!!! Lol, Ugh I hate that. Its like a cute guy in front or behind you and you don't know what to say >.< Grrrr. But just act stupid and be like "do you understand what we're suppose to do?" and what not. And ask for his aim, or get it from someone and IM him. Trust me that makes talking in person A LOT easier.
Oh, well that's still a lot. If that was a "coincidence" than it was a sure of a hell of one. Yadig? Woot woot Bushra's getting all dressed up for this kid. <33 What's his name by the way? Haha
I know! I miss them too. But always count on Bushra to do the trick! :D
LOL I don't know if he's cute or not. I mean he's cute but just not my type, so I guess he's not cute to me? But anyway I don't care if he likes me, it's like "stop staring at me...please?" I hate when people just stare at me, I feel so weird and I just want to crawl under a rock. And then other times I'm like :D HI!!!
Ohmygosh!!! I know what you mean, but that hasn't happened to me, it's been really fast here and I always get super duper thirsty every year, but I don't know why I haven't which I'm thankful for. Haha
Lol okay I shall read it and stuff.
Ohmygosh Bushra! That happened to me last year. There was this totally cute guy in my grade that was in my class and he'd always stare and look about at me and I'd catch him doing so. And everytime I would walk in the hallway I'd be with one of my guy friends and I have a ton of guy friends and he'd always walk past me and the last time I saw him, he was looking at my brother's friend who was walking with me and I was laughing so hard and he just sighed and rolled his eyes. I mean I'd always ask him if he had paper and he'd give me and he use to always smile a lot but we never really talked. Oh and the phunkiest part was that I HAD HIS OLDER BROTHER IN MY CHEMISTRY CLASS how weird is that? And today I saw him but I don't like him anymore, of course I'll still think he's cute but that's it.
And about that guy you're talking about, I think you should totally make an effort to talk to him, don't make the same mistake I made and regret it. Trust me, learn from my mistakes Bushra!!! Lol He switched to three classes of yours? Holy crap. <333
Bushra!!! Ramble on all you want. I miss it!!! Lol
And school has been the same way for me. Ohmygosh there's this really weird kid in my history class and all he does is stare at me. I'm like "wtf" and when I went to grab a book I was like "excuse me" and he was like "um..yeah yeah yeah sorry my apologies" Okay...Buddy I just said move in a polite way. Breathe. Haha
Any homework and such. I just finished eating about two hours ago and I'm so full. I hate when that happens during Ramadan, you eat a bit of food and you're full.
94.6% of anything my father says makes me mad. Lol, so I know where you're comming from. My dad keeps saying "Im so dissappointed in you, I'm disgusted" and you know why? Because I haven't read the Qur'an in a long time. And then when I do, he doesn't believe that I do because he doesn't see it for himself. Like, I'm sorry you're asleep ALL THE DAMN TIME. It makes me really mad when he accusses me of not doing things I do...just because he doesn't see it. =/
It is easier now, I just get extrememly thirsty. My mom thinks I look skinnier and I'm becoming ano because I never eat anything, but always drink water and gatorade when we break our fast, Im never hungry I'm just alwayssssssssssss thirsty. I feel like a fishhy.
Lmfao! That's how I used to be with crushes at school. And then I got to know them and I'm like "Ew, wtf. His personality is shit." Lol, let me know if this accelerates (;
Haha, well you will be soon enough my dear <3
Hahahahah! I can't stop laughing! I swear that made me laugh so hard. That's exactly what I said today but about Jacob. That he's so whiny and stuff. LOL.
Hahahahahah.
He makes you wear a scarf when you break your fast? That makes NO sense. haha. That's random.
Yup, so It's like a never-ending cycle when it comes to our dads, then. It amuses me sometimes how he can pick out everyone else's flaws but not his own. But you know, I've learned that I'm not going to let him ruin what I think about Islam because I love it. And I'll just follow it as I please without him interferring with random nonsense that makes no sense.
YES YOU DID.
Liessssssssss.
Haha. We wake up before sunrise and we eat like...cereal or arabic bread and stuff, but it's never a lot. and then when we break our fast we eat like dates and water and then we pray and then we eat dinner.
Hahah xP
NOWAY.
That's three classes! [already (; ] It's a sign!!
English is my favorite subject since forever.
And there are never cute guys in my classes so I don't have to worry about that.
Plus I'm taken ;)
NO! Haha. You hate them! That's a first, everyone on here is like ZOMFG TWILIGHT! Haha <3
Lol.
Blah! My family is not being religious whatsoever. I mean, I am tad, I am fasting and praying, and so is everyone else. Hahah so I guess that counts? My dad is being a religious hypocrite, so that doesn't count...but you can't blame him for trying I guess.
Ramadan is pretty easy so far. I believe in Islam a lot, but I just don't like how my dad tries to enforce it by being a hypocrite. I think the religion itself is truly beautiful. Some people just kill it for others.
LAUGHOUTLOUD. :D
You so did steal my expired fruits.
Which is why I can't find them anywhere!!
Haha, you know how Ramadan you always eat more when it's time to break your fast? [at least we do hahahaha] Well I'm starting not to do that! because every Ramadan I always gain weight from nowhere! So I'm eating healthier (;
Sorryyyyy xP
You'll just have to wait until he gets his TS, which I hope he does soon. It's been really rough, which is why he had to disable it, but he'll be back.
Haha school starts tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm really nervous and dreading it. But I"m really happy to see my friends.
I can't wait until I get to my English class <333
OoohLaLa (;
I'll have to check that book out.
But not until I finish Breaking Dawn.
Rather start it, I haven't started it yet.
But I'm happy I bought it :D!
Awh, you're brokeee. CHEAPSKATE!
I WANT MUH MONEHH.
I don't work for free Beeeeeeeech xP
Lmao.
Yeah, well if it makes you feel better, no one in my family 'knows who I am' except for my sister Shay.
Hahah, I'm not sure who wouldn't like me. But I hope not to develop any foes.
Because foes are lameeee.
Thanks! I'm really excited I can drive now (:
Hahahahah. STALKER!!!!
<3 Rofl.
He doesn't have a TS anymore, but he'll get one eventually.
So until then!
What have you been up to?
I'll tell ya what I have been up to...
HOMEWORK. Lameee.
I guess maybe I did start long message-writing. I don't remember. But we're now shorties.
Is "fishy" Texan for "freshman"?
So have you ever eaten steak covered in your favourite sauce while cute boys kiss your cheeks and your favourite music pounds from inside the steak while you''re sitting in a bed of cotton?
It approaches kinda that level of awesome. I wish I could better explain the elation you feel when you're on stage, pleasing a huge crowd with something you created. I wish I could do that forever. Maybe I'll get the chance.
So the limit is when it become superfluous rambling and the punishment is losing your face.
Yessss, definitely talking on AIM would help a lottttt.
It's okay though, everyone leaves for some reason or another.
WE HAVE FRUIT!! :D:D!
lmao, thankssss!
I was actually telling my sister that in my lifetime I want to get a fohawk (:
I can't wait for that one It'll be a total transformation!!
Awh, that's really good!
I'm glad you were able to get along with your family members more now.
I wish I could say the same.
Hahah :D! That's awesome!
School hasn't even started for me yet, and I'm already dreading it!
Oi :D! That's nice (: Haha
Well, I finished my summer job, and started applying for ones.
I took and completed my driving class, so now I'm street legal (;
I have a boyfriend named Tommy on here.
Anddd that's pretty much all the updates I have so far. Lol.
www.freewebs.com/selfdeprecation
