Okay there has been one main girl in my life for so long, lets call her Anne. For almost 10 year, since we first met, Anne has been my best friend. For about half that time she didnt like me back, and for the other half its been back and forth. We've gone out a few times, for the most part the timing just has never seemed to be right with us. Up until yesterday actually we never even addressed out feelings, and I thought that was the reason for what im leading up to...
Over the course of this Anne has taken me for granted, it seems like her feelings only kick in once im happy with someone else, she has gotten in the way of me happily liking other people, she isnt always sure of how she feels about me and ive suffered from that to the point of sometimes just being completely against the idea of loving her...
With her Anne isn't just a crush, when I think about my future she is always there. I want to grow old with her and be with her for the rest of my life. We have talked about things like that together, stupid stuff like baby names, where we would want to live haha, all hypothetical but its a mutual desire for the most part. With other crushes there is no thought of anything but that moment, ive loved her for more than half my life, she is by far the most important person in my life, I would give my life and do anything if it meant making her happy...
When we finally talked about our feelings yesterday she told me "I know how I feel right now but sometimes I just dont know" . I told her " I always know how I feel" Although we addressed it I didnt feel like we got anywhere. I need her to tell me that she will still love me in a week, month, etc. That she wont wake up one morning and just stop liking me which seems to happen. After that we just cuddled up and watched and blissfully watched a movie Regardless I thought that now that we finally were honest about our feelings, what im getting to would stop but....
It seems like I become infatuated with other girls so quickly. I think its because so often I find myself wishing that I wasnt liking Anne who breaks my heart, that I am constantly looking for someone new. I hate the idea of me chasing after a girl that has hurt me so much, so im always looking for someone new. Even after we had that talk yesterday and things seemed mostly great. One talk with a girl that I liked for a few weeks of my life, that only lasted half an hour, and now I feel completely infatuated with her...
Usually these feelings for other girls die down in a week or two once I stop talking to them as much, I know those girls and I wont get anywhere, and when they die down I find myself still thinking about Anne. Although my feelings for Anne are on a much deeper level than just a simple crush like these other girls, I still dont understand how I can be so in love with one girl (unless im not) while falling into infatuation so quickly
Part of me seems like im betraying Anne by liking other people so quickly, I just dont understand how I could feel so deeply about one girl while still having such intense feelings for another...
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08-17-2012 01:09 AM #1
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
If I really love her, then why do I like other people so easily....
Last edited by AdviceINeed; 08-17-2012 at 01:32 AM.
08-17-2012 09:04 PM #2
Man. Too long. This isn't school. I don't wanna read that much shit, cut to the chase and we'll give you some advice.Someone's insanity grabbed ahold of me...
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
08-17-2012 09:06 PM #3
08-17-2012 11:07 PM #4
It almost seems like you're getting bored of Anne. If your mind keeps wandering to other girls, Anne's obviously not doing something right, and that's reciprocating the feelings. Why should you spend more time waiting for her to possibly love you back the way you do, when you've already invested so much into her? I mean, you can always hope she'll turn around, and that's what you've been doing, but it really doesn't seem like she will.We stopped checking for monsters under our beds when we realized they were inside ourselves
08-23-2012 10:49 PM #5
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
- United States
Here's the deal, and this is one part psychology and one part personal experience...
The two of you love each other, yes, of course. But it's not the type of love you think it is. You can care about a person, and want them to always be in your life, and always be close to them... and never built a romantic relationship. That's what friendship is about, and it's OK for the two of you to be friends and nothing more than that.
The problem, however, is that both of you are sort of getting other emotions twisted into it. Fear of being abandoned, jealousy of sharing with others, etc etc. You've been together for so long that any threat to your guys' dynamic signals a pang of emotion in one (or both) of you, which leads to these bouts of hot/cold, temper tantrums, guilt trips, and everything in-between. That's not love, that's possessiveness.
And I bet it's exhausting.
You really gotta decide for yourself how you wanna approach the whole thing, but I think it'd be best for both of you to get a little breathing room. Figure out who you are, apart from each other. You can always come back and pick your friendship up where it left off, but it's going to keep interfering in both of your love lives (and probably other friendships as well) if you don't do something about it.