ur thougths....

[busylife16]

I will never forget

The time flew by.
Where did it go?
Once we were young,
Now we are old.

We look at each other,
And wonder how could it be?
That now we must part,
In order to become who we are meant to be.

We go through our memories,
Both new and old.
The times that were rough,
And good ones both having helped us to grow.

Now faced with different paths,
It is clear we will part.
The pain we will feel,
Is from deep within our heart.

So as we move on,
Just remember me once in a while.
Of the beautiful friendship we had,
And how we used to make each other smile.

[busylife16]

please tell me ur opinions!!!

[iamtheshadows]

thats all like wow.... i like it...

[busylife16]

thnx so much!!!

[Tonigirl59514]

that is good im a little scared to post mine now

[busylife16]

oh please do! i love to read pples poems!! and thnx!!

[AnHonestGuy]

I'm going to be the first to say that I think it's rather stagnant. There's real deep meaning or symbolism, and you really don't paint much of a picture for the readers mind.

It's pretty much something anyone could come up with. It's not bad, it's just....unoriginal. There's no real style or artisticness to it

I'm also curious as to how you spell so terribly in your comments, yet didn't mess up once in the entire poem. Did you rite this or did you just copy it from somewhere else.

[busylife16]

well, sometimes when i write comments i use my ipod, and it isnt a keyboard so i spell things wrong, and this i handed in, so yes it is a copy paste job :!
thank you for being honest, i will try working on, but just to tell u, i wasnt painting a picture for the eyes, i was writing for the mind!

[AnHonestGuy]

well, sometimes when i write comments i use my ipod, and it isnt a keyboard so i spell things wrong, and this i handed in, so yes it is a copy paste job :!
thank you for being honest, i will try working on, but just to tell u, i wasnt painting a picture for the eyes, i was writing for the mind!

Understandable. I kind of figured it was for School.
It would get you an A from a teacher, but it just isn't....art.

"i wasnt painting a picture for the eyes, i was writing for the mind!"

That's where your wrong. The thing about writing is that you are telling the story to a reader. If all the reader imagines is blank emptiness, you've failed. You ARE in fact painting a picture with the words you use. Especially in a topic such as this, it is crucial that you play the story for the reader to imagine in there mind. Using descriptive words not only sets a tone but also a state of mind.

Here's a paragraph from one of my favourite works of literature, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep

"Silence. It flashed from the woodwork and the walls; it smote him with an awful, total power, as if generated by a vast mill. It rose from the floor, up out of the tattered grey wall-to-wall carpeting. It unleashed itself from the broken and semi-broken appliances in the kitchen, the dead machines which hadn't worked in all the time Isidore had lived here. From the useless pole lamp in the living room it oozed out, meshing with the empty and wordless descent of itself from the fly-specked ceiling. It managed in fact to emerge from every object within his range of vision, as if it - the silence - meant to supplant all things tangible. Hence it assailed not only his ears but his eyes; as he stood by the inert TV set he experienced the silence as visible and, in its own way, alive. Alive! He had often felt its austere approach before, when it came it burst in without subtlety, evidently unable to wait. The silence of the world could not rein back its greed. Not any longer. Not when it had virtually won."


You imagine in your mind the scenario that's going on. It plays it out for you. And the scenario is more than just silence , by the way. It's a metaphor, and a damn clever one at that. This quote is beautiful that way, and is by far the best from anything I've read before.


If you fail to recognize this, your poetry will continue to be bland and stagnant.

[busylife16]

well i am sorry this poem of mine doesnt stand up to ur expectations, i will continue to try my best and thats all i can do, it was a hard time when i was writing this happens to be, read my other poems here and tell me what u think, the thread is "be honest" !!!