Letters I'll never give you.

[Fray1369]

It's long, the majority of you wont read it. But if you happen to. Let me know what you think.


http://youtu.be/HJjdahujoMk

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I guess that’s the song that should make me think of you.

But it’s not.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t even listen to the song.

I don’t and I haven’t listened to the entire song in 5 years.

If I hear it on the radio, I change the station and pretend I never heard the beginning melody.

I’m so sick of it, I wish you knew how sick of it I am.

The saying “Time heals all wounds” Yea that saying’s bullshit.

All time has given me is more days to fight to forget you.

I tell myself that if I could go back in time, I’d never look at you. But of course that’s a lie, I hate you but I love you all in the same thought process. I wish you never existed!

You make me feel like I wish I had never existed.

All the days spent making my heart race.

Making my head spin.

Making my stomach jump just at the sound of your name.

You’ve become my obsession. This obsession that destroys me.

I can still remember the feel of your cold lips on a winters night. Your finger tips cooling the back of my neck.

I can feel you pressing against me.

I can never let you read these things! You’ll think I’m crazy!

I shouldn’t let anybody read these letters, they’ll think I’m crazy.

I can go through a day, sometimes days not thinking of you.

I think that I’ve finally beat your memory! I’ve defeated you!

I can live, I can breathe!

Then something reminds me of you. Why are things still doing that? There’s nothing left of you, you’ve been gone for so long. There’s nothing left, we’re nothing. We’ve moved on, we’ve fallen in love.

So why is your presents still lingering in song lyrics, in stories of peoples pasts, in the roads my mind shuts down on.

This is killing me.

Maybe it’s because you were the first thing I ever loved, and I mean truly loved.

Loved with everything I had in me, the first person to ever hold my heart.

Or maybe it’s because you’re the first person to ever break it. To break me into a million pieces.

I’m not using heart break as an expression.

When I use the term “HEART BREAK” I want you to feel your heart break. The crack down the middle tearing it in half. Then maybe you might be beginning to comprehend my pain.

I sat in darkness and torture.

Wrecking my mind over what I had done wrong, I wasn’t good enough, I hadn’t tried enough…..

You never loved me.

You weren’t in flames when I was gone.

I was in flames.

I don’t remember the remaining days after you were gone.

I don’t remember looking at people, I don’t remember what my voice sounded like or if I ate or not.

All I remember is darkness.

I burned in the inferno for months.

My tears were beginning to leave a rash on my face from the constant stream.

I’d excuse myself from classes to cry in the bathrooms.

I don’t know why you had that kind of hold on me.

I suppose time has worked in my favor for one thing. I’m not burning anymore.

I could have loved you forever. I will love you forever, I’ll love you alone.

Secretly.

Never spoken of to any living object.

You’ll never even know the depths….Because I’ll never tell you.

This is the song that reminds me of you.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

http://youtu.be/J9xzi1e8z0Q

Coincidentally, this is the song my heart stayed in.

I hope you never experience the pain in which I felt while I listened to this song and watched the moon peak through the midnight clouds.

I watched that moon all night, thinking of nothing and everything.

I forgot what things smelled like, I cried so much I hadn’t smelled a single sent in months.

The expression on my face was blank, blank like the depths of a thousand seas. I was catatonic. Re-playing the last sweet photograph permanently torched into my mind.

To this second of this typed word I remember that goodbye.

I don’t know if it was intentional, I’ve kissed your lips after that . But something told me, from the minute your lips touched mine….

That this was the end. You pulled me back into you and you held me so that the world couldn’t touch me from the outside.

My head floated in the palms of your hands while you held my face and planted that last sweet sweet kiss on my lips.

My heart was dancing. But you were letting me go. You’ve kissed me a million times before and I knew that you’d never kiss me like this again.

I gave myself the benefit of the doubt in fear of letting my own heart know the truth in which my mind had already discovered.

You were leaving me.

I swore that if I didn’t curl up as tight as I could and hold my knees to my pounding chest that I would fall into pieces.

It started as a dull ache. I knew your heart was letting go of mine.

Then came the fire. I felt like I was losing parts of me. If I didn’t hold myself and rock to sooth myself, I feared my heart would stutter and falter.

You were all I could think about, you’re all I wanted.

How could you not want me back.

That was my down fall. My greatest down fall. Not only did you change my heart but you damaged my life.

I never got to tell you how much I missed you, I did everything I could to stay away from you. But some how the world always stopped spinning right in front of you.

Like my life was meant to be still at that moment.

I have to talk to you, please you have to talk to me!

I know I shouldn’t do this.

I hate you. I want you to know.

That I hate you.

Please, rewind the world and take me back to that day when our eyes first met.

Take me back to the day we became inevitable and don’t say a word to me.

Please do it, so that I don’t have to wish I should have.

I know you’ll never read this, it’s probably for the best….

Because you’ll think I’m crazy.

And I doubt that nobody else will have taken the time to read to this line, so you’ll never know I’m crazy.

I wish I could just hear you say you Love me, one last time. I wish I could feel your kiss…

just one last time.

But I know…

should I ever be so lucky….

You will leave again, like you have time and time before.

And I will burn in the inferno again.

[AnHonestGuy]

Wow....There is something beautifully poetic about this...while it may be rough and hardly a poem, there is potential for a masterpiece in there.

I sense this was written from personal experience. Okay, it's obvious. What you're going though isn't easy, is never easy, and won't be easy. But the solemnness of your heart and the determination to let go is what you need to hold on to. There are a million songs that could describe what your feeling right now, but not one of them matters.

I know what you're going through. I've been there. If you need a friend, know that I am here for you.

You have a beautiful heart...don't let anyone tell you different.

[Fray1369]

Wow....There is something beautifully poetic about this...while it may be rough and hardly a poem, there is potential for a masterpiece in there.

I sense this was written from personal experience. Okay, it's obvious. What you're going though isn't easy, is never easy, and won't be easy. But the solemnness of your heart and the determination to let go is what you need to hold on to. There are a million songs that could describe what your feeling right now, but not one of them matters.

I know what you're going through. I've been there. If you need a friend, know that I am here for you.

You have a beautiful heart...don't let anyone tell you different.

no it's not a poem. It's "Letter's I'll never give to him." lol.
Thank you very much for the feed back and taking the time to actually read it

[Udumcpaforever]

I read it all and found that you've already started to move on and to help this you can realize there is someone out there that will make this person only a fade memory and you will realize that there is a reason it wasn't meant to be. I hope everything gets better for you from here.

[Fray1369]

I read it all and found that you've already started to move on and to help this you can realize there is someone out there that will make this person only a fade memory and you will realize that there is a reason it wasn't meant to be. I hope everything gets better for you from here.

thank you for taking the time also.

[Kellbell98]

It is an understatement to say that this is extraordinary, and like some said before...you have a beautiful heart and don't let anyone take that from you...thank you for sharing...it really inspired me(: