Let it Out

[MischiefManagedx]

I got a 97 on BOTH exams I took on Thursday. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that. I'm about to cry, I'm so happy. This is just proving to me that all of the stress I'm dealing with now is going to be worth it in the end. I'm working my ass off now to get out of this dull routine of life I have right now. But holy shit. I'm so happy with my academic career. That's enough to get me through this wretched weekend.

[equake]

The most common thing people ask me - apart from where am I, is what is going on in my mind.
I hate words. I wish i could tell people without having to say anything. Open up my brain and pull out my mind like a box and show people. Not try to convince them.

This is me. I hope you will understand.

[MischiefManagedx]

The devil was in my store today. When she walked in, I got the chills, my stomach started churning, and rage profused from my body. It was crazy. This girl has been on LOA (leave of absence) for three months; today's been her first day back and she REFUSED to help certain customers because they either had too many items, or they weren't black enough for her. HOW IS SHE NOT FIRED? I'm about to call the AwareLine my company has, because if I bitch about her enough, I'll get her out. She's despicable. -_-

[Schadenfreude-]

I feel so disappointed with myself. I gave myself a few goals for this summer and haven't completed many. Some are really important to me and I feel like I'm not doing enough. I want to be an optimum me. And a perfect me. And a happier me. Maybe I need to be more disciplined or optimistic. I'm not sure. It's so depressing and so unfair what's happening to me. But life isnt fair so i need to take action and solve my own problems out. I'm surprised I haven't broken down and cried. I just feel this constant longing. Frustration. I hope this holiday gives me time to recuperate.

[Kiralicious]

I get to be alone on my anniversary again

I wish I didn't request it off now

That's just the difference between our jobs, I work for a nice guy who doesn't mind scheduling me off for small things like anniversaries or family parties, and he works for a chain store that just doesn't give a fuck.

[Mystified_Love]

I just wanna fuuuuucckkkkk. Not have a 3 min sex session. Ugh. Frustration doesn't even begin to describe...

[OnlyGonnaEverBeMyself]

To mommy and daddy,
Just because I'm not my brother doesn't mean I'm worthless.
Just because you say you know how I feel doesnt mean you do
Just because I'm younger doesn't mean I'm not as smart.
Just because I'm a girl doesn't meant I deserve this shit.
Just because I choose to be me doesn't mean I choose to be me with no feelings.
I have feelings. And you've hurt them.

[Dioz]

LOL.

Wow I take this shit too seriously sometimes. Fuck my life. After so long here you'd think I'd know better.

Sorry to everyone affected, blablabla. Don't take what you hear at face value, ask me first please.

LET IT OUTTTTTTTTTT wooo.

Fuck.

[hipstersquirrels]

I legitimately apologize to you for that ordeal.
I wish you wouldn't have gotten drug into the middle of it, and I'm mature enough to admit I drug you in as well.
It won't mean very much, but I am sorry.

[IzzyRod]

I seriously don't even know why I tried with you. You're an asshole and I wish I could have realized that sooner. And the worst part is, you're acting as if what you're doing is what I want. It's not what I want, you dumb fuck. Grow up and fucking realize that.

[Reticentt]

you know the feeling where you wake up with smile on your face because you know someone loves you enough to be with you? yeah...i miss that.

[Dioz]

I fucking hate my family.

They ordered chinese from the expensive place, and didn't tell me. They don't have any money. Just because I don't spend much and I have plenty, they expect me to pay.

OH AND THEY ALREADY OWE ME €40.

This will be €30 on top of that.

FUCK SAKE.

I am gonna just waste all my money next weekend on booze.

[kelsaa-]

i hate ppl

they're so stupid

[hipstersquirrels]

I think it's stupid that you had to lie about being pregnant just to try and keep your boyfriend. I think it's even more stupid, that he dumped you because he didn't want the kid. That entire situation just makes you both look like heartless idiots.
But, what I can't stand the most, is how you're saying "Lauren told me to say it!"
Bitch please, I don't even like you. Why would I try to help you at all, ever?

[MischiefManagedx]

These feelings are hitting me again. I think it's because he's been in my shoes, and he knows me better than I know myself. I need him more than he'll ever know, and I'm scared of leaving because I'm scared he'll forget about me otherwise.

[Aerosphere]

I am really sinking now, I can feel it. I felt it for months and it drove me to quit my life and barely leave my house. If I didn't have my boyfriend I'd be back to where I started. Maybe this isn't a bad thing, maybe I need to get away from all I created and make a fresh start because my creation wasn't getting me anywhere but deeper in a hole. I need to be an adult because even though physically and financially I am one I'm not one in ways that I should be and I'm doing things that are you going to slap me in the face later on. Every other time I wasn't working steadily or buying whatever my heart pleased or going out anywhere just to be out I was discontent and worked until I was doing all of that again. But I'm not working this time, I'm numb to work and materialism and even going outside is pointless to me or even dreadful. A lot of the time when I feel in such a slump I can turn it all around by just looking nice and going out, but I've tried that and it hasn't worked, I just came home and went right back into my pajamas. I dunno, I dunnnnnno. I know what I want to do with my life and that was verified even more last night, so I reallllly hope I can make some kind of effort and accomplishment with that this week because if this screws me over somehow I honestly have no idea what other options I can use.

[PLucy]

I had a shit day at work. Godfuckingdamn. The least you could have said was why, I'm sorry, I wish you feel better, SOMETHING INSTEAD OF NOTHING!!! NOTHING! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? You make me so mad you make me wanna cry. You make me feel ashamed of myself. Worthless. Unimportant. Why , than, am I still holding on to you?

[equake]

No.

[Dioz]

If I could quite possibly remain in the state of mind that I am currently occupied with I would ever so much love for that to happen. But alas, I can only hope. Since I will probably go back to feeling what I can only call a maixture of depression, self loathing, laziness and the overall lack of get up and go to do anything.

I wish I had done something with this summer. I wish I had actually gone with my friend to belgium and made a go of it. At least if I hadn't spent all my money buying shit I'd be there now, in South Carolina/Belgium, enjoying life.

Nope. I'm here. Typing this. I absolutely will hate myself in a few years to come for absolutely wasting all this time I've had. But I know nothing will change and nobody will care about that. Not that I want to drag anyone down with me. I'll go to university, It will be all better, hopefully.

I just hope that I don't regret these last 5 years of my life when I'm older. I hope that everything is better then.

It would start with me leaving the idea of posting here. But, haha, that ain't fucking happening.

I shall make August the month I make up for everything I've fucked myself over with, this summer. No internet. Just getting in contact with some friends, going surfing, going to clubs, getting fucking drunk, and having fun.

I could have been doing this all summer. It's not any aspect of being shy, I'm literally that fucking lazy. I was never broke. I have several thousand in my bank account. For university, but still, I can't believe I wasted 3 fucking months doing nothing. May, June, July, all gone. I won't get a summer this long for another 3 years.

Fuck it all. I hate the internet. It just takes you away from reality and makes you numb and not want to do anything irl.

That or I am the laziest fucker in the world and wait for people to contact me. Blah.

At least this is long enough that nobody will read it. Excellent 1000th post if I do say so myself.

[MischiefManagedx]

I wonder, if anyone read my journal, would they care about how I was feeling these last few months? Or would they just shrug me off like they usually do.