UM DONT MIND THE CAPS CUZ I LIKE TO TYPE IN CAPS AND ALSO I JUST A STARTED WRITNG POETRY/LYRICS SO BE NICE LOL JUST TELL ME YOUR OPINION ON THESE POEMS OK THANK YOU

WOULD YOU

Would you be with me if
I was broke
If I wasn't the type that like to socialize
Would you be here if
Your folks Didn't like me
Would you save me
If I was in a burning building
How much risk would you take for me
Would you ever tell me a lie If
I ask you a question
Would you come if
I go back in time
Would you be by my side if
I was struggling
Would you cry if
I was to die
If I cry
Would u be there by my side
If you were true
You would be there no matter what
And no matter what I'd be there too

==============

If Life



If life was a candle

How would it be handle?

And if life was one of your dream

In person how will it seem

If life was a game

Would lose or win be the same



If life was always missed

How can you resist

If we were lost in a mist

What will exist?



If life was teddy bears

We should all share our prayers

If life was to end

Would you be happy that you spent it with a friend?

If life were tears

Is it cries of happiness or cries of fears?





AND CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME AN OPINION ON HOW TO MAKE IT BETTER PLEASE

ok. first i want to say that the three most important things to me when i read poems, freestyles, lyrics... is expression, fluidity, and a message to inspire the reader. when i read your poems it sounds to me like u are beginning to find ur expression. i think it's really hard to express what u truly want to say in a poem. it takes me a while to get across what i try to say. in ur first poem i like ur message and the many different questions and examples pose a good message, but the fluidity of the poem is a bit off.

when u write try to count syllables and that way ur poems will flow better.

also. expression is so important in poetry. make sure that what u say is what u mean. don’t write down random lines and then leave them. proof ur work and make sure it expresses ur emotions.

lastly, i like the last two sentences. u end ur poem beautifully there but some of the other lines seem like they don't belong.


on ur “life” poem i'm a bit confused on what u really want to say, again expression. when u say life is teddy bears and tears u need to explain why.

it almost seems like u just tried to rhyme and used words that don't fit like for example: "if life was always missed, how can u resist."

to me it sounds like u have a lot to say and u can't find the best way to say it. good writing though. i think if u can focus on expression, fluidity and a message, ur poetry will be very strong. write more for me to read and comment on

I like the 1st one....you kinda sound like a raper tho..

ok thank you for your suggestion i aprieciate it ok thank you thank you..and i rap sometimes

all i really have to say is on the second one your rhyming sounds forced. it doesn't have to be cat/hat/rat/bat rhyming. try not to force it. the rest that you can improve upon just comes from practice. keep writing!