I am new at this. I don't allow others to see my writing but I guess this way I can get constructive criticism without anyone "KNOWING" me. Please post any comments, it is a little random and hard to truly understand or follow.


Emotional Explosion

The knot in my stomach
The words pulsate through my ears
The vibration of my heart
And you are all my fears

You turned the truth against me
You used my heart as a weapon
Suddenly the shot was fired
And everyone scattered dying to run

The beauty of a trusting friendship
Disassociated from the explosion
An explosion expressing emotions
Emotions only captured by the sun

The emotions are a memory
For the darkness now remains
You run so steadily from the truth
And forget that I shall never change

I was there in the brightness
I was there in the calmness
I will be there through the storms
And even in the darkness

The unspoken layers of our friendship
Trials only known and seen by us
Are revealed in the moment
When a simple truth becomes so rushed

Everything so magical, everything so real
Everything becomes lost because we wanted to know how it would feel.

it's really good. It was a little hard, however, to understand, and the rhyming and not rhyming was frustrating to me. But the rhythm was good for the most part, and it did sorta rhyme but it was just off in places. but nicely done, it's straight from the heart, that much shows :D just tweak it a bit. u've got a nice way with words.

Thanks JustJen. I had the same problems with it. But I can't ever tweek my poetry until a few weeks have passed, so I thought in that time I'd see what you all thought. But I completely thought the same thing of it.

Thanks!

I agree with Jenn, yet, it was very expressive, and I got a chill down my back. As your said, it might take awhile to get it to perfection (or close anyway, I don't think perfection is possible), but it's a REALLY REALLY GOOD start~I'll look forward to more of your work~YOU ROCK~keep it up~I'm out~

Krissy