Time Passed

Pre-cal was so boring
Until you moved here
"Sit next to Christy"
And so you sat
Time passed

Boys were so pointless
Until you talked to me
"Hello! I'm Jack."
And so we talked
Time passed

Dating was so stupid
Until you asked me out
"Want to see a movie?"
And so we dated
Time passed

College was so distant
Until our senior year
"I'm gonna miss you"
And so we savored "us"
Time passed

I was so lonely
Until I came home
"I'm here until Monday"
And so we were together
Time passed

We tried to work it out
Until we gave up hope
"This just isn't working"
And so we broke up
Time passed

We were so apart
Until you called me up
"I love you, Christy"
And so we were again
Time passed

My parents waited
Until you finally asked
"Will you marry me?"
And so we got married
Time passed

I loved you dearly
Until you lied there still
"He was only 34..."
And so we were apart
Time passed without you


***lookie there: a story of love and loss.. this probably is really bad, but some constructive criticism wouldn't hurt, huh?

aww thats so sad, i really like the way the poem was constructed, nice job

Ya...I like how the poem was constructed too. ;) I like whole "Time Passed" thing at the end of each stanza. It's cool... ;)

:D thanks! i didn't think it was that good, but thanks a lot! im glad you both liked it :)

Originally posted by enragedpixie

I wanted you back
Until you called me up
"I love you, Christy"
And so we were again
Time passed


this is the only stanza that really stuck out to me as problematic. i'd do something about the second line, as it kind of gave me the wrong image of what was happening in the stanze, and i had to re-read it. other than that, excellent job!

I loved this it was so sad!!!

yeah...i thought about that one too because it sounds like she didn't want him back, but do you think it would be better like

We were apart
Until you called me...

Good job!

that was nice. I kind of shivered, but maybe because I was cold. It's minus 34 degrees celcius here, yeah, but anyway, I really liked the format of your poem, and the repetitive message really was used to great effect.

thanks :)

ohhh the tragedy! Exactly why love sux! Grat job.

lol. thanks ice

Originally posted by enragedpixie
yeah...i thought about that one too because it sounds like she didn't want him back, but do you think it would be better like

We were apart
Until you called me...

yes, much better. good fix :)

changed

touching...

thanks :) im glad you think its good! :D