I see their mouths goin,
all I can hear is my heart,
pounding, pounding,
tearing me apart,
Solitary...
Solitary...
I am surrounded,
these feelings can't escape,
panic, panic,
when will I take shape?
Solitary...
Solitary...
I am becoming them,
losing the real me,
fading, fading,
they will never see,
solitary,
solitary.

i like the message in it, but the little solitary repetition seems a little too repetitive for 20 lines of poetry... maybe it's just how i read it. i think you got a little caught up trying to ryme in your last rhyme pattern. i know you're going to try to justify your reasoning for writing this so you don't have to change it because you all seem so up on not editing your poetry after the first time it has been written, but if ya want to get better, i suggest using meaning before rhyme. all-in-all, however. me gusta.

i like the message in it, but the little solitary repetition seems a little too repetitive for 20 lines of poetry... maybe it's just how i read it. i think you got a little caught up trying to ryme in your last rhyme pattern. i know you're going to try to justify your reasoning for writing this so you don't have to change it because you all seem so up on not editing your poetry after the first time it has been written, but if ya want to get better, i suggest using meaning before rhyme. all-in-all, however, me gusta.

OKAY~WELL TAKEN~but gosh...do NOT critisize the fact that I do not edit...I WAS DEBATING IT BEFORE YOU SAID THAT...but ya know...whatever...I'm not gonna do it just so your happy...thanx for your opinion though...

KRISSY

Okay, so I have to please people...is that BETTER? l8r~

Krissy

~AND DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO POST THAT TWICE? You didn't think I'd get it?~