that look again.
its that look.

that look in your eyes tonight is
the burning flames of hell
the sound of heavens bell

the bleat of the newborn lamb
the crush of an old tin can
is the look in your eyes tonight.

that look again its that look.

that look in your eyes tonight is
the twisted scent of a sunflower,
the faintest sting of a bee,
is that look tonight that your are giveng me.




thankyou krissy 4 ur advice on my other poem,is this 1 any better? plz can everybody tell me wqot u think??

^ I am so creeped out by the fact that your email has my name in it...kind of bizarre.

But anyway, I am going to be perfectly honest: though the poem was enjoyable to read, and it flowed relatively well, it boils down to this: that poem makes no sense. What is it supposed to mean, because it is truly unclear. You compare this "look" to crushing cans, lambs, sunflowers (how can a scent be twisted, exactly?), and stings (how is a sting at all faint?). What is the look? From the sound of what you wrote, you don't even seem to know what it is. I just think this poem doesn't have one true emotional focus. At first, the whole "heaven/hell" thing made it sound like you would be portraying the simultaneous beauty and pain of love. But the entire "can/lamb" thing just screwed it up, because cans aren't really evil, painful, or poetic for that matter. I'd recommend sitting down and contemplating what you are really meaning to say, then revising the poem so that the symbolism makes more sense.

hi,firstly the reason my email addy has "unicorndream" i it is because it has alwayz been that even BEFORE i joined teenhob(now teenspot) so im sorry u find it freaky but i didnt coppy it from u, ok?? and i know my poems arnt exactly masterpeices but i write poems because i enjow it,not cuz im any good at it,as i nk im not,it fact im crap at it,and 2 b perfectly honset i dont really care! thank you for ur advice.:music: :rolleyes: :cool: :D

im useless @ spelling and am always typing thingz wrong so dont take da piss...i no u havent itz just in case u were going 2...

All right, it seems like you are taking offense to the fact that I gave you some criticism. Listen, you asked people to tell you what they thought of it, and I told you, so don't get angry at me for that. Constructive criticism is something that everyone needs. In the future, if you don't want any negative feedback, then don't ask people to say what they think.

By the way, I wasn't accusing you of copying my name in your email, I was simply pointing it out because it seemed like an odd coincidence. Don't be so defensive.