From bouncy baby to hardcore raps
A lullaby to the heavy hits
The melody dies at sweet sixteen.
Problems encountered, ones unforeseen.

I turned sixteen………. I broke a heart or two
I crossed the line, and broke the rules
No remedy for the pain, no cure
No warning signs of what love will do
No turning points once you’ve endured

Drunk my soul out of my depression
Drowned my sorrows in tears, I still owe debts
I still fear death. But I only turned sixteen.
Don’t expect love to pay your debts,
There are high prices to pay
With lost maps to the destination
Of many procrastinations,
And many curtailed realisations
Only too late to be anticipated
~~~~~~~~Sweet Sixteen~~~~~~~~~

if you could please tell me what your thoughts on this poem is? any suggestions for the last verse please? and any critiques? thanks

I was goin back 2 find a poem long written ago, so I could copy/paste/save it on a disk. Havn't found it yet but still lookin. NE way, I saw this & was curious 2 know Ur view of 16 not 2 mention the lack of replies so...here's my LATE reply

I find this to be deep and sad but descriptive of the majority of youth at 16 goin into a world of confusion. Not knowin how to go, what to do, how to breathe, the meanin of relationship, etc. I can't relate since my "sweet 16" was actually at 12-13.5 I was mellow and kickin it somwhat at 16 because I accepted the pessimistic ways of life: no one really cares more for you than themselves, everyone is always better and more deservin than you, your pain and pity is not for others to share with, your world can't be exposed to people unless they have like experiences. Basically, I hav come to believe that it is better to be a lonewolf than to let others try and understand you the way you need them to. I've been like that since nigh 14, whereas 13 I was semisuperstitious; then I cried about not being able to depend on relativity--which is the principle of sprstition--nor anything else. Thus, my pessimism was born.

Back to your poem...I really enjoyed it and was not confused xcept what you were referring to with "curtailed realizations." I assume it's the small comprehension a youth has at a turmoiling age, right? :confused:

i'm no expert writer but when i read poems and they dont rhym i just like them better in stanzas. what i really love bout this poe though is how wild it is. it is messy but it is appealing. i dont think i woul;d change anything cept maybe to make it flow better. i like it allot. write more for me to read and comment on

yo the tittle of my last post is a typo. its not supposed to be a slam. i ment to put tips from one who needs tips. lol. sorry.

Trendy chic posted this last year and only now U decide 2 reply aft mine? oh well

hey, I haven't been on here in quite a while, thanks for your replies- I sorta stopped writing because I didn't really think I made sense. once in a while though, I write for my friends cos they like reading my stuff. thanks for your tips!

I really like your poem, it makes you think. I can kinda relate to it, in a weird kinda way.LOL. Well keep posting! :space:

I think U make gr8 senz as long as U can understand my writin senz. NE way, yeah, the poem is totally picturesque meanin it is mentally visibl ok. there's a contest so might as well contend against the contestants like me: HAHAHA!:cool: :music:
:explode::eek: :drunk:

i KNOW THIS IS REALLY LATE BUT WAT U SAID:

I didn't think I made sense

IS OUTTA LINE BCUZ NO 1 REALLY MAKES MORE SENSE THAN WAT THEY THINK THEY MAKE. <---think bout wat I jus wrote.

Every1 makes sense but not always is it understood since we R diff'rnt minds, y'I mean? (quote 4m ScaryMovi:2)

IT HOLDS YOUR TONGUE
IT HINDERS AMONG
INSINUATION
LIKE ANIMATION
GIVING SO LITTLE OF IMPORTANCE
SO TINY PROPORTIONS
WE CAN DO WITHOUGH
A STUBBORN MULE'S SNOUT
A FOUL PLAYY
ON MOURNING SUNDAYS
RUINS THE FUN AND EXTREME
AS THE STUPID SUN MELTS YOUR ICE CREAM
SOCIETY IS FOOLISH, GOV'T GOOD
AND THE SMALLEST THINGS ARE MISUNDERSTOOD
WHEN THEY ARE COHERCED
BECAUSE B.I.G. ARE PUT FIRST
WHY ARE INDIVIDUALS FOOLISH?
WE MIGN'T EVER KNOW PAST THE BLACKNESS
PAST THE CLOUDED MYSTERY
FOR ANSWERS WE SEEK
THE REMEDY

B.I.G.= Business Instead of Games