hi i been working on a poem for my gf and she likes them a lot but im a noob at witeing poems and if anyone could lend me a hand plz

heres what i got so far


If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the warm soft felling of your breath on my neck
the warmth of your lips on my cheek
the touch of your fingers on my skin
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

any one plz help

Aw, that's so cute. I don't think you should take anyone's advice. She'd appreciate it more knowing it was entirely from you... even if it was something lame like roses and red and violets are blue :P And that's a good beginning, by the way.

"Not taking anyone's advice" - isn't that kind of contradictory? I mean, if he does take your advice - not to take anyone else's advice - wouldn't that then be taking someones advice (which is what you advised him not to do)? Seems like a big circle.

that's sweet haha, i totally agree with the first person, keep it as it is, she'll appreciate it more and it'll be more special if it come entirely from you, and as for the 2nd person Shh!

its a very nice poem, she would love it! maybe put a little more but i think its perfect.

"Not taking anyone's advice" - isn't that kind of contradictory? I mean, if he does take your advice - not to take anyone else's advice - wouldn't that then be taking someones advice (which is what you advised him not to do)? Seems like a big circle.

hunh?:eek: