How does it feel?
To have everything work out
The way you wanted it to
Without worrying about what is true

You love her
She loves you back
A whole night of doubt
but you have nothing to worry about

The sun rises and falls
Just as expected
Your robust life
Laughs my pathetic strife

Consistent like a waterfall
It never seems to fail
This seemingly painless affliction
Is pushing me towards an envious addiction

I try to be realistic
But i cant decide on what is real
What is pink and yellow one day
Turns out to be nothing but grey

Complex as the human mind
And as easy to solve as a simple dilemma
Pretending is not the answer
But merely the solution

You dont have to worry
About such minor issues
You can dwell in happiness
While im enclosed in sadness



i write poems and songs to vent out my emotions
i try to make them good but sometimes they arent

anyways rate, give advice or whatever...

Hiya,

This is a really lovely, simplistic poem. However, there are a few things.
You shouldn't really have said "Consistent like a waterfall" because they aren't always consistent (they dry out sometimes you know!)

You seem very mixed up in how you are feeling - which btw I TOTALLY understand, and I think you've put this across quite well. Maybe you could change up the vocab. a bit but other than that, brilliant work :)

Keep it up!

thank you very much for the input!!!

lol cud i at least get 3 comments?

Not bad.

haha sorry to bump..
but i need more comments so i can decide if i want to submit this poem
thanks in advance..

it was good and i understand that feeling.
and i agree with that person up there about the vocabulary thing.
^^

it was good and i understand that feeling.
and i agree with that person up there about the vocabulary thing.
^^

cooool i think ill change some words then submit it

I didn't like it.
The first line that begins with a question seemed cliche.
"Without worrying about what is true" didn't have enough impact as a line, and it doesn't really fit.

"You love her
She loves you back
A whole night of doubt
but you have nothing to worry about"
Seemed simplistic and without much meaning.

"The sun rises and falls
Just as expected
Your robust life
Laughs my pathetic strife"
Seemed like it was trying to hide its shallowness with bigger words and forced rhyme.

"Consistent like a waterfall
It never seems to fail
This seemingly painless affliction
Is pushing me towards an envious addiction"
First line: awkward. The metaphor doesn't seem to fit.
The third and fourth lines are okay.

Yeah. Work on it and it may have the potential to be okay.

la

not to be mean but it didnt really catch my intrest i read the firts 2 stanzas and i was gone.
:(