ive never been good at poetry but i wrote this, it just came out i didnt intend it to be one. im not sure if it even is one cause it doesnt flow that well i guess, so anyone help?

i can see through those walls,
distant planes, vast and obsolete
yet i cry wanting, needing, feeding off your touch
can you feel this too?
predicted answers tear up my paper heart
and you wouldn't even know its eating me apart
I'm still getting up, getting dressed
still obsessed, cant remember anything else
unplanned and uncalled for, yet needed forever and ever more
love knows no bounds yet love has me tied down on the tracks with the train speeding out of control.

it seems to finish a little abruptly, i dunno!

Hello. Here's my perspective:



i can see through those walls,
distant planes, vast and obsolete Perhaps you could bridge this idea with the next a little better. This almost doesn't bridge the idea of love very well. The transition, perhaps, could be more gradual or maybe just stronger.
yet i cry wanting, needing, feeding off your touchperhaps a "-" at the end of this line.
can you feel this too?
predicted answers tear up my paper heart Predicted? Poor word choice?
and you wouldn't even know its eating me apart "Eating me apart"...? It just doesn't work. Suggestions:"Tearing"/"Ripping" etc...
I'm still getting up, getting dressed
still obsessed, cant remember anything else
unplanned and uncalled for, yet needed forever and ever more The "forever/ ever more"... Though you mean it for emphasis, it takes away more than anything else.
love knows no bounds yet love has me tied down on the tracks with the train speeding out of control.The contrast is confusing here. Also, since this line is longer than all the others, it throws off the balance.

I hope this is helpful. Let me know if you would like some more explanation or editing. Thanks for sharing.
GuardianAngle

thanks, i really want to make this better but im not sure how to blend "i can see through those walls,distant planes, vast and obsolete yet i cry wanting,"

I think this is good, but the end is a little weird... it just stops. Maybe add a few more lines... I'm not sure

Keep writing.. Practise makes perfect. And play with different words with the same meaning...

You could keep re-writing it and change bits in it that might make it sound better..

I hope this helps

Good luck (sorry if this doesn't help at all)