I wrote this a while back. What do you guys think of it?



She looked forward
She waited for love
To finally arive
Had they had enough
Of how she was?
She walked ahead
For all they knew
She was dead
At the highway
She saw the lights
Desire in her eyes
She could stop the fight
Her life and death
Left in her hands
And everyone around her
Took the chance
She turned to her right
And saw the truck
She began to run forward
She didn't give a fuck
When morning came
He recieved the call
He rang there school
And no-one saw
Assembly came
The school was told
And no-one cared
No-one at all
Exept one boy
He secretly loved
The girl who died
Who had had enough
If he only spoke up
She may still believe
The lonely girl
She may of lived

By Cassie Morre

I'm sure you've improved your writing since you've written this. It's kinda choppy and the rhyme weighs it down. Too many words.

BUT. I guess the idea's there if you wanted to edit it a ton. It's cool.

I'm sure you've improved your writing since you've written this. It's kinda choppy and the rhyme weighs it down. Too many words.

BUT. I guess the idea's there if you wanted to edit it a ton. It's cool.

I Loved it the rhyme pattern don't matter!!

Keep writing
Sade x

I Loved it the rhyme pattern don't matter!!

Keep writing
Sade x
Thank you

your welcome
Sade x

Yeh kewl