In front of the computer
looking, looking
My best friend and I
laughing, laughing
We hear her enter
yelling, yelling
And she bursts in the room
crying, crying
"My Dad, next door, he's not
breathing, breathing!"
And we careen out the door
running, running
We see him inside, and he's
dying, dying
And I will myself to stop
crying, crying
He needs the breath of life!
I must act now.
I start pumping my hands up and down.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12,
13, 14,
15.
Nothing, Nothing.
I plead with him: Start
living, living!
I drop to my knees and start
pleading, pleading
Please take this gift, and start
breathing, breathing!
We hear the sirens outside, sadly
wailing, wailing,
And I look at his eyes that aren't
moving, moving
I felt for his pulse, and got
nothing, nothing.
Felt for his life, and got
nothing, nothing-

Nothing.


I just wrote this today in Creative Writing, so I've still got some things I want to change around and experiment with. I just liked the rhythm. =] Comments?

i love it.

i love it.

=]
Thanks.

welcome. its just perfectly written

welcome. its just perfectly written

awh, thank you.
I still have to make a few changes, but the gist is basically the same.
This really happened to me, by the way. =P

???
Anyone else?

I like it..
but the repeating the words isent very good, sorry.

I like it..
but the repeating the words isent very good, sorry.

Thanks for being honest. =]

I like it..
but the repeating the words isent very good, sorry.

I agree, and the subject is kinda dull too. But at least it seems like you know what your writing about, not just one big garbled message
:mouthshut :

I agree, and the subject is kinda dull too. But at least it seems like you know what your writing about, not just one big garbled message
:mouthshut :

..a poem about my neighbor's dad dying and me trying to ressicitate him is boring??

.