One I wrote ages ago.


The weather reflected the mood,
Our tears fell from the sky,
Falling onto our cold, red cheeks,
There was no need to cry.
We let ourselves go,
As the rain drowned the ground,
Linked our sodden fingers,
And walked without a sound.

The grey clouds followed me home,
The rain stayed on my cheeks,
Staining forever, my paling skin
They’re still there after a week.
But the sun has come out now,
And the stains are nearly gone,
For I know, soon I’ll be able to hold you,
Because darling, you are the one

How do the numbers even fit in?

They're a date. 20th of July 2007. It's the day that the poem is about.

Ah.

Mhmmm.

I think your choice of punctuation is a bit jarring, but you've definitely got something to work with here.

If I was editing your poem, I'd cut the first line. It's not nearly as strong as your second one. Also, I don't know about saying the stains are there forever then saying they're almost gone two lines later.

I really liked it alot, everything from the beginning to the end of it. I showed it to my friends and they enjoyed it as well as I did. Thanks for sharing.

GCDRIFT