wrote a poem tonight
and i just put one poem here and accidentally said there was more than one in the headline... but i might always add more poems to the thread later... let me know if you like it or not. but anyway, here goes

uncertainty change and multiplicity
the king has lost his crown
while the knight stumbles
over bleeding strawberries
and falling bombs
an ode to joy
and a pen to end all wars
is flushed down the toilet
of our broken dreams
war is
the ATM charging you for withdrawing,
the hummer cutting you off,
neighbor vs neighbor,
the distasteful stare and the
almost-- tone where i heard a whisper
"god bless you"
will make things right and pretend
like nothing is wrong
as we live on in our naivety
the cross is upside down

i like the way you word things, but the flow of the poem itself isn't doing it for me. you're doing something right, but you need to work on the rhythm. it's too choppy.

it is very choppy
i like the wording used and perspective where you are very observative about the trivial matters of war and less about the typical emotional war poems