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silencebeckons
07-11-2007, 11:39 PM
ok so here's some poems i've written and a short story (and i never made revisions so there mistakes)
and i try not to be too cliche in my poems and shit but i probably am
so let me know what you think

The Tragedy of the Human Condition

The physical attraction
Wasn't as bad as the reaction
We've learned to accept it
We've learned to expect it
When we're are left malnourished
And only wanting more
After all we're all just shells
Hollowed and empty
Our face the emoticon
The artificial being
Over analyzing every detail
To proclaim the understatement of the year
Oh we're so poetic
We've mastered the words
Memorized every meaning
The only thing we've forgot
We failed to learn the feeling
The product of our imagination
Wouldn't sell like the copy
We mastered every degree
We know the business
Writers block
The new incurable illness
Oh we're so poetic
We've mastered the words
Memorized every meaning
The only thing we've forgot
We failed to learn the feeling
The power lines
The only things that keep is in touch
We learned the science of every art
The only mystery the human heart
History repeating
Our comet
Corporate propaganda
Soon a new species to roam the earth
Yet a new monster
Over producing with every birth
Oh we're so poetic
We've mastered the words
Memorized every meaning
The only thing we've forgot
We failed to learn the feeling
With our hope fading
As the economy declines
Some are developing a new lease on life
As we open our mouths
Insert the gun
No one cares
There all too numb
Pull the trigger
There's feeling at last
Thru our skull a bullet blasts
Oh we're so poetic
We've mastered the words
Memorized every meaning
our inly mistake
We never felt a feeling

Untitled

uncertainty forming ulcers in my stomach

you say you love me but i know your leaving

im starving for fulfilment

and lusting for love

every deal fallen through

every promise never kept

makes up most memories

the childhood that never was

all the fears made apparent through reality

haunting realizations that this will never go away

and theres never going back

i dont know what scares me more

what has never been or what never will be

what will sadden me more

in life or death

the change makes me unfamiliar and puts me on unsteady ground

these boundaries i never wish i met i cant fight the nausia

i cant out run the day

no escaping the countdown

the affliction that it brings

im bursting with frustration

my lungs what to sing

no melody will rise

the soul decays the body dies

my imagination wont stop fading

with every inhale exhale

theres a second less

i stumble for these words

but they never reach my lips

im filled with emptiness

my eyes burned by the light

this filthy life that wont go away

i just ask for forgiveness

i cant get past the regret

the sorrow wont let me live

everynight i look out the window

and i feel just a little less


Another Untitled

The other day

I was sitting in my room

And the sands of time came blowing thru

Stirring up the present with the past

I've never been swept away so fast


Washing over me like a tidal wave

My world around me began to fade

All the memories rushing back

I couldn't swim

And I'm drowning


Oh God

I've never felt so dirty

Do you think you can forgive me

I was floating

Now I'm sinking at last

Aint it funny how I don't care

No one hears my final gasp


You cant out run it

I've tried

It only ends

When you die

You block it out

Its still there

Just convince yourself

You don't care


Oh God

I've never felt so dirty

Do you think you can forgive me

I was floating

Now I'm sinking at last

Aint it funny how I don't care

No one hears my final gasp


All the scars

Come uncovered

Secrets kept

Are discovered

These demons visible to all

To much to bare

So just fall


You can never come clean

Now that nothing is what it seems

I'm dying in all my best dreams

Just let me drown



Insomnia (short story)

He looked at the clock.
It read 1:00 am, he couldn't go to sleep. It's been this way for a month, ever since that night. He shudders at the thought. The CD player has been on repeat for the last hour. He hopes the songs will ease his mind so he could at least relax if nothing else. The other night he actually managed to doze off for about 7 minutes, but he heard gun shots on the street corner and he woke up in a cold sweat. These nights he spends staring at the exposed brick walls of his studio apartment. On the biggest wall, the one in front of his bed, there were news paper clippings, black and white photos, fine art and sketches all scattered about. The apartment had once been a truly inspiring place for a young artist. It was now more of a filthy, messy, cesspool. The stove and dishes had caked on crap. And I don't even know if you could call the leftovers, leftovers any more, they were more like uncontained bacteria breeding grounds. The sheets were askew on the bed and floor, with sweat stains and god knows what else. In fact I don't think he's changed his clothes for the past couple of weeks, and you can forget about him showering. So now he sat in his bed curled into a fetal position rocking back and forth, eyes closed, not that he could see anyway, his eyes were blind with tears. As long as he could not see the ghostly apparitions, he didn't care. The memory of that pure, utter horror was caked onto his mind like the crap that was caked onto the stove and dishes; I don't think he could fathom anything worse then what he saw. He can no longer move from his bed at night and rarely moves during the day. He had been fired from his job weeks ago, he had figured this but couldn't have been sure, he threw his phone away, for the that piercing ring on dilated his eyes and made his heart skip a beat. Now I know it seems like the logical thing to do is to leave the house if there is something terrorizing you but he just couldn't do it. First where would he go, he put everything he had into this apartment and he had no family to speak of. And second the last time he tried to leave, he was actually on his way to check himself into the insane asylum, he was almost pushed down the stairs and he felt like he was being watched as he went down the street and he just couldn't bear it, it was worse outside then it was in. So as he rocked back and forth in that fetal position to afraid to do anything else, he replayed that night over and over again in his head.


He woke up, heart pounding, mind racing, room spinning. He looked at the clock through bleary eyes, and was able to make out that it read 3:00 am, the devils hour. His mouth was parched; he got up and went to the sink to get a glass of water and a week old, cold piece of pizza from the fridge. It was dark so he fumbled a bit. He sat down on his bed and turned on the portable TV on the nightstand, it was basically infomercials but he decided to watch anyway as he snacked on his pizza. After he finished the pizza he got up and went to use the bathroom before returning to his slumber. As he was in the bathroom, he heard the click of the TV, when he went out he saw it had been turned off. He dismissed it as "the damn thing acting up again" and got in bed. After lying there, eyes closed, for about two minutes, he could hear a voice. What it was saying he wasn't able to comprehend, but he new it was a voice, all though it sounded almost inhuman. Then he had that distinct feeling, his hairs stood up and his heart started racing, and he felt a chill. He was being watched. He lay there paralyzed for about a minute. Then he heard foot steps, they drew closer. He threw off his covers and switched on the lamp beside his bed. As he did so everything stopped, the voices, the foot steps, and even that distinct feeling of being watched. It was extremely calm. Something wasn't right. He walked into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. As he looked into the mirror in the medicine cabinet, staring at himself, trying to get a hold of what had just happened, that's when he saw it. The most god awful thing ever was standing, no, lurking behind him. He stood there, literally scared stiff, too scared to even scream. He stared into its eyes through the mirror, all he saw was hatred. That's when that, that thing, raised it claw-like talons and in the blink of an eye ripped into his back, and disappeared. He let out a blood-curdling scream as he fell to the floor and everything went black.

He woke up in the hospital, a neighbor had heard him scream and when she got no answer at the door she called 911. The lights were blinding and the extreme whiteness only gave him headaches. Once he came around a couple days later and started talking again, the hospital had a psychologist come and evaluate him, for fear that the wounds were either self-inflicted or that he was in some sort of danger. Figuring they would never believe the truth, he said he had been attacked by a dog and he went home to try and see what the damage was and when he couldn't bear the pain anymore he screamed and blacked out. To his relief they bought it, although they seemed somewhat skeptical. A couple of days later he was released and when he returned home, his apartment had been turned upside down. Everything was everywhere. He knew that what ever had gashed his back was what destroyed his apartment. He finally had everything cleaned up and after two nights of being home from the hospital the voices, the foot steps, and the feeling returned. That's when he slept, well lightly dozed with the lights and the TV on. He was always late for work and he couldn't function properly out of fear, confusion, and the sheer lack of sleep. And everything just went down hill from there….

As he was remembering all of this he heard the foot steps, he moved his eyes in the direction they were coming from. He saw nothing. Then suddenly, the foot steps sounded as if they were running, the air became extremely cold, things started moving, lights flickering, the TV was going berserk, the room seemed as if it were a tornado. His head felt like it was spinning, he went pale, and he felt so sick and weak. Then suddenly, everything abruptly stopped. It was calm for about 30 seconds; it was the longest 30 seconds he had ever had the displeasure of living through. That's when the most ear piercingly, inhumane, sickening scream came and reverberated off the walls. And the most utterly indescribable, horrorific demon came rushing at him, and he felt as if he were in a wind tunnel. He felt it completely take the wind out of him as it came pounding into him, thrusting him through the picture window beside his bed. He saw his window getting smaller and smaller, as he plummeted several stories through the air, he felt the wind rushing against him trying to break his fall, and that was about all he felt. Then he heard the smack of his body on the pavement, and that's when everything went and stayed black.

Tan_yah
07-11-2007, 11:47 PM
complete and utter brilliance.

silencebeckons
07-11-2007, 11:58 PM
thanks

classic_pinup
07-12-2007, 12:18 AM
I wasn't expecting these to be good, I mean, it's some random teen on the internet. But the poems were beautifully written, I loved them. I don't have the time to read the story, but I'd love to.

silencebeckons
07-12-2007, 12:26 AM
well thank you very much
=]

Johanes-de-Silentio
07-12-2007, 01:45 AM
I think you may well have talent, but I didn't think these were very good as a whole, but when I read what I thought were short poems they were good, perhapse try writting more powerfull but much shorter versions?

silencebeckons
07-12-2007, 02:12 AM
alrighty
thanks for the advice

Tan_yah
07-12-2007, 08:41 AM
I think you may well have talent, but I didn't think these were very good as a whole, but when I read what I thought were short poems they were good, perhapse try writting more powerfull but much shorter versions?

in other words, he didn't read them.

Johanes-de-Silentio
07-12-2007, 11:21 AM
in other words, he didn't read them.

yes, I just got up and said, "ya know what'd be cool, I'll pretend to read a poem, and then give baseless advise"


brilliant

Tan_yah
07-12-2007, 05:24 PM
yes, I just got up and said, "ya know what'd be cool, I'll pretend to read a poem, and then give baseless advise"


brilliant

you skimmed through it.

Johanes-de-Silentio
07-12-2007, 08:57 PM
you skimmed through it.

No, I have read them several times now, what is wrong with my oppinion?

Tan_yah
07-12-2007, 10:23 PM
No, I have read them several times now, what is wrong with my oppinion?

nothing.

Johanes-de-Silentio
07-12-2007, 11:07 PM
nothing.

No, I mean what am I missing that makes you consider it brilliant?

Tan_yah
07-13-2007, 05:26 PM
No, I mean what am I missing that makes you consider it brilliant?

the lines are well played; it's very inventive. it accurately demonstrates struggle without using too many cheesy or overused words. that in itself sets it apart from a lot of other "poetry" on teenspot.