i could barely hear you
whisper please in my ear
Any night when I look up
and see a summer sky
with a full moon caught in a tree
I am back on the blanket with you
I had heard about it
I had read about it
I had imagined it a thousand times
but nothing had prepared me
for entering you for the first time
and I was melted in a cauldren
and poured into you
You gasped and I knew i had hurt you
but the fire was burning
through my back where your hands had held me
amd all I could do was open my mouth
and incenerate us both into the flames
I held you so tightly I was afraid you would break
but I could not let go or move
We were pressed together to our necks to our thighs
your breasts flattened against my chest
I thought I would never move again
and be forever frozen to you
but the smell of your hair
and the sound of your breath
so close to my ear woke me from my sleep
I slowly pulled back
and your breath became a whimper
and again please
like a cry from a well
far away yet so clear in my eat
drawing me back into you
There we were, untaught and unschooled
young lovers, who knew nothing but each other
learning each other and making it up
Me thrusting into you at the urging
of your fingers in my hair
and your mouth gnawing at my ear
pleading not to stop
not to ever stop
hold you and fill you forever
Forever is easy when time stops
Forever is your chin clamped to my shoulder
Forever is our mouth's sealed
so there is only one breath between us
Forever is your arms and legs wrapped around me
as I pick you of the ground
and we fall back to earth
I will never stop
I will never let go
I will cling to you like precious life
not to be shook of
part of me will hold you forever
part of you will forever me in me
And so suddenly I burst open
and you climb inside my ribs
to hold my heart
Oh sweet love, can you love me forever
Can you stay inside me forever
Can i feel you hold my heart forever

BAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crazy as it seems, I loved it...

why won't anyone comment but the dancing hamster why? why?
is it too long for you to read you slow witted rednecks just read it .......... please?

please just comment *dies of impatience* i know a lot of you have read it say something please

I thought that it was pretty good.

I like the analogies that you used and I thought that the poem flowed pretty well. I also like the use of repetition throughout. I'm not a fan of some of the bluntness used, but there's enough of it to create a good mix with the analogies and maintain the fluidity.
However, I think that it could have been a little shorter at some parts. And I think that some of the longer lines could be broken up to help the poem flow even better. Overall, I think it could use a little rewriting and reformatting, but it's already good as it is.