This is my latest...I woke up at like 2 in the morning and wrote this down. I looked it over again the next day, kinda liked it...thought I'd see if I was the only one. Feedback is always cool.


Lost


As I lay in my bed and stare at the cieling, part of me expects the answers to fall.
But as I'm lost in my head, I can't find a reason why anything should be wrong at all.
I'm waiting for a person, someone to help me, caring and understanding.
But all i get are these so-called allies who only add to my self-destruction.
I want to float, I want to fly, I want to escape from this hell.
But it's not my physical place that I want to erase, I need to get out of myself.

They tell me to yell,
And they'll come and find me,
But the truth is I don't know where I am.
I lost my voice,
I lost my eyes,
I'm lost inside myself.

The first part of the poem was really intriguing but then it went downhill from there. The next stanza was short, too short actually and looked as if it was a seperate poem and not part of the poem itself. You should try to make the part a little longer. :)

i really liked it... its good

i like it a lot...it was really deep and i understand where you're coming from. :(

Originally posted by Konstantine
The first part of the poem was really intriguing but then it went downhill from there. The next stanza was short, too short actually and looked as if it was a seperate poem and not part of the poem itself. You should try to make the part a little longer. :)


Hmmm...I didn't look at it like that. The second part does seem a bit like an afterthought, but perhaps it is taking away from the beginning. I'll give that some thought for my second draft. Thanks. :)

It didn't seem to flow very well. Otherwise, very nice.