typicalusername
06-13-2004, 05:30 PM
this one is a little longwinded. i'll be surprised if anyone actually reads all of it.
(this girl happens to be me)
I sense that
I am human
I use to look so disgusting
Before
I am fat
I am repulsive
I did not imagine this
Everyone else told me
I am not biased
I am beautiful now
I threw up my lunch dinner brunch breakfast
Everything
Whatever I eat comes right back up
I know it is a little much
I think calling it a disorder is a little much too
When I throw it all away
I feel in perfect order
The reason I do it.
Is there a reason?
There is always a reason?
I just wanted to be cute
I think I chose bulimia over anorexia
Because…
Because I like food
It makes me feel better
Food taste wonderful
I did not want to give it up
I did not
I throw it up
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I guess that does not answer the question
Not fully
Only partially
Another reason is
It is silly
This confession is silly
I did not want to die a virgin
Guys do not like ugly fat chicks
That is the way it is
What guy would have wanted me?
Is that reason good enough?
I think it is enough for me
Like the cracker I had for lunch
The cracker I watered down
The cracker I forced out of my stomach
I look beautiful now
I am thin
I am happy
I am attractive
All it took
All I had to do
Shove my finger down my throat and force it all out of me
Sometimes my finger would not work
I needed to use a toothbrush every now and then
The bile stung the cuts on my fingers so I had to use something else
My throat feels so raw
Feels like someone is dragging a piece of glass down my throat for weeks at a time
My teeth have loosened a little
If I push hard enough at my molars
I can almost pull them out of my mouth
If I want
I do not think there is anything wrong with that
I mean they’re side effects with any diet
That’s all this is a diet
Until I’m down to my perfect weight
I was a size 22
I am down to a size 8
I am almost down to a four
Almost there
Almost perfect
Just a few more weeks
My eyesight has become terribly blurry
Sometimes it hurts when I breathe
Feels like someone’s holding a pillow over my head
There are times when I black out
I get terribly dizzy every now and then
I had an ice cube for dinner
I threw that up too
The vomit smelled bitter
It was clear with shreds of green in it
Later I held myself in a fetal position
It helps the hunger pains
It actually does
I blasted my Britney Spears CD for thinspiration
She helps me when I want to eat
I think of how beautiful she is
How I want her body
Then I ignore the hunger
Everyone says how great I look now
I am down to a size 2
I am trying for a size 0
That would be amazing.
I would be so good-looking
My throat hurts too much now
I can hardly eat
Every time I try, it is begging to come up again
My stomach is squeezing itself into oblivion
It is so painful
I hurt so much
Nevertheless, I am pretty
That is all that matters
My heart does not beat to properly anymore
It hurts a lot to breathe
Have I mentioned that already?
I have lost myself
Finally
I am pretty
I am thin
I am perfect
Everyone agrees
(this girl happens to be me)
I sense that
I am human
I use to look so disgusting
Before
I am fat
I am repulsive
I did not imagine this
Everyone else told me
I am not biased
I am beautiful now
I threw up my lunch dinner brunch breakfast
Everything
Whatever I eat comes right back up
I know it is a little much
I think calling it a disorder is a little much too
When I throw it all away
I feel in perfect order
The reason I do it.
Is there a reason?
There is always a reason?
I just wanted to be cute
I think I chose bulimia over anorexia
Because…
Because I like food
It makes me feel better
Food taste wonderful
I did not want to give it up
I did not
I throw it up
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I guess that does not answer the question
Not fully
Only partially
Another reason is
It is silly
This confession is silly
I did not want to die a virgin
Guys do not like ugly fat chicks
That is the way it is
What guy would have wanted me?
Is that reason good enough?
I think it is enough for me
Like the cracker I had for lunch
The cracker I watered down
The cracker I forced out of my stomach
I look beautiful now
I am thin
I am happy
I am attractive
All it took
All I had to do
Shove my finger down my throat and force it all out of me
Sometimes my finger would not work
I needed to use a toothbrush every now and then
The bile stung the cuts on my fingers so I had to use something else
My throat feels so raw
Feels like someone is dragging a piece of glass down my throat for weeks at a time
My teeth have loosened a little
If I push hard enough at my molars
I can almost pull them out of my mouth
If I want
I do not think there is anything wrong with that
I mean they’re side effects with any diet
That’s all this is a diet
Until I’m down to my perfect weight
I was a size 22
I am down to a size 8
I am almost down to a four
Almost there
Almost perfect
Just a few more weeks
My eyesight has become terribly blurry
Sometimes it hurts when I breathe
Feels like someone’s holding a pillow over my head
There are times when I black out
I get terribly dizzy every now and then
I had an ice cube for dinner
I threw that up too
The vomit smelled bitter
It was clear with shreds of green in it
Later I held myself in a fetal position
It helps the hunger pains
It actually does
I blasted my Britney Spears CD for thinspiration
She helps me when I want to eat
I think of how beautiful she is
How I want her body
Then I ignore the hunger
Everyone says how great I look now
I am down to a size 2
I am trying for a size 0
That would be amazing.
I would be so good-looking
My throat hurts too much now
I can hardly eat
Every time I try, it is begging to come up again
My stomach is squeezing itself into oblivion
It is so painful
I hurt so much
Nevertheless, I am pretty
That is all that matters
My heart does not beat to properly anymore
It hurts a lot to breathe
Have I mentioned that already?
I have lost myself
Finally
I am pretty
I am thin
I am perfect
Everyone agrees