He has his head up in the clouds
She lies six feet underground
They’ll never make it, they all say
It’s never soon enough when it’s too late

His eyes were moulded by the sun
Brave and bold, his mind was made
They knew what he was, what he’d become
But the game’s not over, till it’s played

Dark hair loose and full lips parted
She feigned power that never existed
Her tired arms shielded her from the light
She knew she was slowly losing her fight

He was the son of the skies and heavens
She: the daughter of the earth
Logic defied all the sound reasons
But neither knew each other’s worth

It began as a rustle of the parched leaves
The slender branches swayed and sighed
Angry ripples shook the once calm seas
It was the right moment, it was the right time

He saw the arrows light up the sky
A melody of colours; brilliant, bright.
Filled with childish awe, he looked on
What once were quiet clouds, now they were gone

She felt the tears fall on her sallow cheeks
Like dewdrops they lined her eyelashes
Her body; once humble and meek
Started to awaken in soft sudden crashes

Slowly the droplets wrapped her in their blanket
Silent fear took over her sheltered soul
But somehow she knew she would not fall
The roots of the trees weaved her tender anklets

The wait was over, the time had come
The heavens and the earth were to become one
It was fate, although no one had known it
They were each other’s unwritten gifts

He saw her crown shimmer in the darkness of the night
The son of the heavens descended from the sky
There she lie, in a pool of translucent light
In his arms she collapsed and drowned in his eyes

(I know it's a bit long...sorry. I would love comments!)

That is beautiful. I like the imagery you used and the rhythm was great. Very nice piece =]

thats a luuvly poem i realy like it
sista xx

Thank you very much, false_revolution! And thanks lots and lots for reading sis! Love you! <3

:) :flowersmi

It’s never soon enough when it’s too late <<< i like to call these lines "poem killers". they state something and then retract it basically. it is a very novice technique used by rookie writers and by the time someone writes fro a few years they have shed this infant skill. i suggest you try and eradicate it from your writing sooner than later.

the rhyme scheme is mostly inconsistent which can hurt the flow. in this case, it did. flow is key to any poetic piece.

the last three stanzas were my particular favorites. great flow, nice imagery and use of words.

one of my favorite parts was the leading lines to all of your stanzas. your opening stanza lines were by far your strongest.

:gotglitte

Thank you very much for your critique, goodguy! I'll keep that in mind next time. Comments much appreciated. And hello sis ! :p

helloo :D

Such a beautiful poem, I loved it! You described everything and let the words rhyme really well. Great job! :)

Thank You very maybe-tomorrow, I'm glad you liked it :)