well i rote this poem ... nobody will probly read it but i thought ide ask if it was any good or not i wrote it cuz its wat happened the other weekend and my bf is movin away :( anyways enjoy!

[[[ Satuday Night ]]]

We met him on a Saturday night
You did him without a fight
Ya kissed him hard
And I lost my bank card
All on a Saturday Night
I tried to pee on his floor
And you puked right outside his door
Ya took a few swigs
but they were just too big
All on a Saturday Night
You burnt me with a cigarette
I thought it was just a threat
Couldn't feel my nose or cheeks
Still had a bruise the next week
All on a Saturday Night
You gave Jamie a black eye
Cuz he was just spreadin lies
Ya punched him in the face
Watched Shields kick him outa his place
All on a Saturday Night
I had a little too much to drink
So much I couldnt even think
Figured it was all okay
Couldn't member much the following day
All on a Saturday Night
I got in a car with a stranger
Didnt think there was any danger
Brought me to Tim Hortons and back
I guess common sense is what i lack
All on a Saturday Night
We had some great memories
So dont forget them please
I'll always be there for you
Hope you'll be there too
Love you till the day I die
Now you're leavin and makin me cry
Come back as soon as you can alright?
So we can have another Saturday Night.

I just don't like it. There is nothing I can even tell you to change that would make me like it...

thats ok coming from you it didnt hurt much ... u dont like it cuz u wernt there... but thx anyways i gues lol

thats ok coming from you it didnt hurt much ... u dont like it cuz u wernt there... but thx anyways i gues lol
It doesn't matter if I was there or not, you suck at writing poetry. I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was being honest. You wanted to know what people think, but when they don't like it, you come up with excuses.

It...sounds kinda immature. You're wording is very elementary, and it has a...oh, how do I say this.....rap song feeling to it? And not in a good way... Like your idea, but in the world of poetry, it comes off as very unprofessonal and childish sounding. Just has that written-by-an-11-year-old-to-cure-bordum vibe to it. Know what I mean?

Well honestly it wasn't good. I have a hard time considering it a poem, the explanation you gave doesn't fit the "poetry". In the poem it sounds like you have two personalities (by using the word "we").

no... this isnt good