Cheezymadman
09-08-2006, 02:41 AM
But not dick.
Being a vegetarian is for women and queers. A real man would rather have a cheeseburger than a salad. A real man shouldn't even know how to make a salad. Real men go to Denny's and trade their hash browns for more bacon. Real men say "Hell no!" to rice and beans. The only acceptable use for lettuce is to top a burger or a taco. Tortillas should only be used to hold tacos, not replace the bun of a burger. A real man knows that a good bratwurst needs only stadium mustard, and anything else only dulls the taste. A real man eats a hotdog made of beef, not those turkey substitute shitpiles. Real men know that the only way to grill is with charcoal. A real man will move doctor's appointments to work around the football schedule. These doctor's appointments, of course, are for his wife or daughter. Real men treat any ailment short of a severed limb at home. In case of a severed limb, a real man will place it in the beer cooler until his buddies are sober enough to drive him to the hospital. Said beers shall not be labeled "Light", or any variation of the word (including "Lite"). Real men drink their beer cold and from cans, kegs, or bongs. Real men carry said kegs off the ground, not rolling or walking them (walking, IE inching one side of the keg, then the other.) Said kegs shall be emptied, and then sold to metal recycling for more beer money. All money shall be carried in a wallet or loose in a pocket. No clips. Wallets shall be devoid of any pictures of humans. The only pictures allowed are pictures of your car/truck/bike or pet. Said pet shall be a dog, or something dangerous. No cats. Ever. Said dog will live either inside your house, or in a doghouse. Said doghouse will be wooden, and made by said man. Dog will be given a man's name (the dog being a male is a given), and will be a large breed. Rottweilers must not wear spiked collars. That is way too much, and it makes you look like you're trying to compensate for something. Speaking of compensation... Men shall not take any kind of medication for the penis. If your dick is limp, you take it like a man and find another way to get your jollies. Real men eat pussy. Real men do not have sexual thoughts about other men. If said thoughts accidentally enter the mind, the man shall spend the next hour watching **** to make up for it. A real man never (ever) considers/talks about/asks for/accepts/receives payment for/pays for/watches gay sex. Lesbian sex is exempt from previous rule. A real man never turns down the chance for girl on girl action. A real man will ask his wife/girlfriend/fucktoy for a threesome. If said significant other suggests another man in the threesome, a real man will say no. The gangbang rule (no dick within 3 feet of your own) is in effect at all times, except in public restrooms (urination ONLY). At no time will a man allow a dick within 5 feet of the face/mouth. Real men eat meat, but not dick.
Being a vegetarian is for women and queers. A real man would rather have a cheeseburger than a salad. A real man shouldn't even know how to make a salad. Real men go to Denny's and trade their hash browns for more bacon. Real men say "Hell no!" to rice and beans. The only acceptable use for lettuce is to top a burger or a taco. Tortillas should only be used to hold tacos, not replace the bun of a burger. A real man knows that a good bratwurst needs only stadium mustard, and anything else only dulls the taste. A real man eats a hotdog made of beef, not those turkey substitute shitpiles. Real men know that the only way to grill is with charcoal. A real man will move doctor's appointments to work around the football schedule. These doctor's appointments, of course, are for his wife or daughter. Real men treat any ailment short of a severed limb at home. In case of a severed limb, a real man will place it in the beer cooler until his buddies are sober enough to drive him to the hospital. Said beers shall not be labeled "Light", or any variation of the word (including "Lite"). Real men drink their beer cold and from cans, kegs, or bongs. Real men carry said kegs off the ground, not rolling or walking them (walking, IE inching one side of the keg, then the other.) Said kegs shall be emptied, and then sold to metal recycling for more beer money. All money shall be carried in a wallet or loose in a pocket. No clips. Wallets shall be devoid of any pictures of humans. The only pictures allowed are pictures of your car/truck/bike or pet. Said pet shall be a dog, or something dangerous. No cats. Ever. Said dog will live either inside your house, or in a doghouse. Said doghouse will be wooden, and made by said man. Dog will be given a man's name (the dog being a male is a given), and will be a large breed. Rottweilers must not wear spiked collars. That is way too much, and it makes you look like you're trying to compensate for something. Speaking of compensation... Men shall not take any kind of medication for the penis. If your dick is limp, you take it like a man and find another way to get your jollies. Real men eat pussy. Real men do not have sexual thoughts about other men. If said thoughts accidentally enter the mind, the man shall spend the next hour watching **** to make up for it. A real man never (ever) considers/talks about/asks for/accepts/receives payment for/pays for/watches gay sex. Lesbian sex is exempt from previous rule. A real man never turns down the chance for girl on girl action. A real man will ask his wife/girlfriend/fucktoy for a threesome. If said significant other suggests another man in the threesome, a real man will say no. The gangbang rule (no dick within 3 feet of your own) is in effect at all times, except in public restrooms (urination ONLY). At no time will a man allow a dick within 5 feet of the face/mouth. Real men eat meat, but not dick.