His choice
_________
He chose not to listen,
He chose not to care.
He chose not to love me.
He chose not to acknoledge my being there.


Sweet lies
_________
I love you baby,
one day we will have it all.
You wait and see.
we'll have a blast, we'll have a ball.


Alone
_____

Why am I in this place,
A place where shadows rome?
I see not a single face,
I am all alone.

I love it when
___________
I love it when you look into my eyes,
and take away all of those hurtull lies.
I love it when you hold me tight,
and tell me that everything will be alright.
But most of all... I love you because you love me for me,
and I do not have to pretend to be anything that I don't want to be.

Sweet Kisses
____________
On my lips...
I feel your sweet kisses
I am lost in my sweet bliss.
I am a victim now.
A victom of your sweet kiss.

i think they're kinda...

lacking substance

explain what you mean it was to simple.

Sorry,

I am just a simple person.

Basically they are my feelings, right out in the open.

I will work on them.

Thank you.

One stanza poems don't work. Sorry.

i love them, but add more to each. you have a good beginning, but no middle, and no end. i like the thought of each. just not the way those thoughts are put into words. they just aren't that full. feelings can't be expressed in 3-5 lines. if you wanna shoe a true heartfelt poem you have to express it through as many things and words as you can.

i love them, but add more to each. you have a good beginning, but no middle, and no end. i like the thought of each. just not the way those thoughts are put into words. they just aren't that full. feelings can't be expressed in 3-5 lines. if you wanna shoe a true heartfelt poem you have to express it through as many things and words as you can.


Thank you.
That is good advice.
I am working on them.

I have longer ones, but I am scared to post them.

The one titled Alone actually has a lot more to it.

it was ok. I liked the first one. It had a lot of soul to me. they all did. But I want to see more life in them.


overall C-

it was ok. I liked the first one. It had a lot of soul to me. they all did. But I want to see more life in them.


overall C-

haha, you gave those a higher grade than mine??? wow and you expect to be taken seriously. But neways they need alot of work they are short and mere descriptions of your feeling. Give me something that delves into a deeper meaning than just the superficial diction.

haha, you gave those a higher grade than mine??? wow and you expect to be taken seriously.


if i was to give u an A would u have complained.? i think not. Dont take it hard. who cares what i think about ur poems rite? as long as u like them is all that matters. but im not goin to lie to u about how i feel about it. it is what it is to me...