I'm not much of a poet.
I'm more of a novelist.
I'm trying poetry out.
So I would love feed back.


Sirens blare outside the window
There’s no more hiding now
Red and blue flares and fades
On bare skin behind the curtains
There’s no more hiding now
He’s tangled in the sheets
A getaway seems so far away
Now that there’s blood on her lips

And don’t hide now
The world’s just looking in
On skin and lips and faded passion
Give them a show, yes, give them a show

Graffiti on the mirrors reflect on the carpet
Words and confessions imprinted on skin
There’s knocking at the gate
And yells of the neighbors
With a getaway car broken down
There’s no more hiding now
Their lips are painted, and their eyes glued shut
A getaway seems so far away
Now that dawn destroyed the windows

And don’t hide now
The world’s just looking in
On skin and lips and faded passion
Give them a show, yes, give them a show

The cords are tangled on the floor
And bodies are caught between the lies
Electrical sockets are painted with lipstick
With mascara trickling down the door
No, there’s no more hiding now
On her hands a spot of lust
Scorching her veins and burning the canopies
A getaway seems so far away
Now that the house is burned down

And don’t hide now
The world’s just looking in
On skin and lips and faded passion
Give them a show, yes, give them a show

Bump. :]

you can tell you're used to writing prose. firstly, i'd say re-think capitalizing every beginning of a line like that. also, i would add some punctuation to the end of lines, because i was confused on how to pause at times.

for some reason it seemed very monotone to me. there was no build-up; each line seemed to be approached in the same way. maybe try varying line structure a bit (they're all about the same length).

also, i'd get rid of the repeating stanzas if it's a poem and not a song; they're just redundant.

my biggest suggestion: read more poetry. it will help you get out of the prose mentality.