I wish the rain would fall so hard it would wash me away. I wish that it would slash my face and eat off the skin. I wish it would consume me and then I wouldn't have to worry anymore. I wish I could be freed from this corporal world and float away.

Hi angel (thats what she called me, long ago) why do you look so sad? (tearstained cheeks eyes wont look at me) why aren't you saying anything (starts to back away, vanish in the fog again) (back to where she came from, some fairyland town of broken hearts) why won't you tell me what's wrong (starts to shake her) why won't you listen to me (tries to slap her but her face isn't there anymore, where'd it go, oh there it is, just a little to the left, you'd think it'd be mad at me, but it doesn't seem to notice I'm here, not even still) just acknowledge me (I'm begging you now) just see that I'm here (am I crying? I don't want to cry) please come out of that world in your mind (It must be fun, you control everything there) (I know it's scarier here, but I love you, I need you to see me, I need you to meet me in the eye and tell me you love me too) just come back out here for a minute or two (even if it's to tell me to go away, I'm not giving up until you tell me that, I'm not giving up until you tell me you don't love me, you don't want to be with me anymore, until then I'll stay here, crying by your body, crying beside this shell of you (where do you go when you leave it behind?))


It never stops falling (this teardrop I mean) plummeting through time and space (ruining everything) wish It'd stop somewhere ( splash into the water, make a ripple, have an end and meld with the whole, die like we all have to eventually (but no it just keeps falling))


Ouch I bit my tounge (now I taste blood) but it doesn't hurt so much (or at least, that's what I tell myself) I'll just tune out the pain (that's a good idea) I'll tune out the whole world in fact (works for her, doesn't it? Why not me, then?)

She's waiting (for you, still) and she's doing crosswords, and she's mad (you made her this way) she's broken, and she's hurting, and her suspicions have been confirmed (you were supposed to prove otherwise) I don't want her to think that, I don't want it to be true (I feel so dumb to keep denying, I feel so cruel to keep on lying) you were supposed to come see her, you were supposed to look into her sparkling eyes and tell her you loved her (too busy again, how many times is that?) you were supposed to care, you were supposed to love (but instead you just stepped on that fragile heart, and I'm the one sweeping up.)

Not grasping it (like sand slipping away, dryly dribbling away, and somehow stealing my soul away) and I think I'm trying (or that if I was it would make no difference) I don't know even how to start (or what I'm trying to get) and I'm going to cry, going to fall to my knees (wither and die in this driest of seas) I'm going to keep searching, search until I give up (and that will hurt more than anything, more than your coldness) I don't want to give up but I'm starting to feel stupid (sitting here, waiting, waiting, waiting) I don't want to feel stupid but there's no way to fix it (wishing, wishing, wishing) except to give up (hurting, hurting, hurting).

Hey, maybe if you cared (but you don't, so shut up) you'd come to find me (but you don't, so shut up) you'd bring me a flower (but you don't, so shut up) you'd cry and apologize and make it right (but you don't, and you won't so shut up, shut up)

I'll stop trying to prove it to myself (you can't prove a lie) because I've wasted enough time (tyring to prove a lie) and I'll accept the truth (though it hurts, it's better than this) and I'll live in reality again (I'd started to float away, time to crash back to earth (but it hurts, how it hurts))

I've been here forever (and silence) staring at the phone (and silence) waiting for word (and silence) painting my nails (and silence) writing things of no signifigance, reading them in whispers to myself (trying to break the silence) turning in the music, turning it up (trying to shatter the silence) crying (anything to drown out the silence (and failing (it's the loudest silence in the world)))

I'm dozing off into nothing (trying to stay awake but its hard (lying in the dark, staring at the ceiling, with nothing but the forces of sleep invading) I think I'll lose myself entirely if I do (that's why I'm so afraid) if you can, stop me (hold my hand, pull me back when I start to fall) if you care, stop me (don't let go, just hold on, no matter what) if you don't mind, come in after me (because sleep will win)

Drowning is appealing (and the world is watery green) the sun gave up, it can't reach down here (you should too, you can't save me anymore) and I'm sinking (it's slow but too fast, it's graceful yet horrible) and my hair is floating up above me (a beacon, a flag, a searchlight, a torch (catches tiny bits of the weak sunlight)) and I don't really want to live (don't see what air holds over water anymore) I think it's better down here (just let yourself fall, just let yourself go)

I told you once (not long ago) that I couldn't fall out of love with you (that it would be like falling into the sky) I think you were afraid then (that I didn't really care for you) but I realize now your reluctance that day (it was becasue you don't really care for me) I just made it worse for myself with those words (just intensified the pain) you can't promise your heart who someone who's looking the other way (looking hard, and they won't turn to meet your eyes even as you lay and cry at their feet in wait.)

Forever is a long time (but I don't mind) I'll die before then anyway (so what I really meant was 70 years) I guess it's okay that I signed my life away (it's not really gone, I guess, just promised to you) but what if something changes (like you leave) what if I have to break my word (Forever is a heavy word) what if our love melts away (and I fall into the sky)



She won't talk to me (push, shove, do you feel?) If I don't grasp desperately for her I'll end up a thousand miles away (right where she wants me) who am I to try and stay? (I hate it here anyway) who am I to judge if she needs me? (She's grown up) who am I to say what she really means? (only her best friend of too long) who am I to help her (she doesn't want it) who am I to try (when it's helpless) who am I to care (when she doesn't) who am I to love (when all she does is hurt)

Screw it (she reads everything I say, then she switches back to her convo with aaron, no response) I'm going to bed (they'd like me to drive, well, screw it, screw you, screw everything, it's 10:58 pm and I'm fucking tired) I said that I would (but I don't care what I said) She's just being dramatic, she's just vying for pity (I have nothing left to give, don't you get that? nothing to give) and long after I've lain in bed she'll sit there (typing, listening to music) and sleep will be hopeless (well then maybe I'll leave, go home, get away from the emo.)

Anger (in my blood like something hungry) and hatred (but I don't really hate her, I love her more) and pain (because she hurt me, she hurts me, she'll hurt me again) driving reality away (how can you see the ground when everything's red? how can you pay the bills when you've been emotionally eviscerated?) and locking it up (safe in its cell, I float away) and pity (poor thing, sweet tortured thing) and love (this one I understand the least) and affection (because she's my sister, she's my daughter, she's my lover, she's my friend) and I'm crying (endless tears) on the ground and I can't stop to save my life and she's watching (but not helping, not caring, not moving to save me (she'll watch me drown, she'll watch me die, she won't move an inch))

Stupid (that's me) because I screw it up (I'm mean) and I misjudge (or too nice) and I'm crazy (senseless logic, rooted in nothing) and I dig myself a hole (really deep, really dark, really narrow) and I know I am (why am I doing it, anyway?) but I keep going (almost without a second thought, without even starting to stop).

You shouldn't forgive (rather, forget) because everything of the past is still real (time is like distance, no matter how far away you are now it was true then) and it can happen again (and again and again) you shouldn't give more chances (when so many were blown) you shouldn't drop the ball for the fiftieth time (in case this time it falls up)

Sleep is safer (I control that, if just a little) because you can wake up (then it goes away, you can't even remember) or everything just changes (and facts are mutable and people blend together and memories blur) and it's everything you already know (just your life in a distorted mirror) and you can take it back

Alone is okay (the silence is comfortable) just reading or writing or drawing (not waiting for the phone to ring) because you don't need some guy (or some girl for that matter) you're okay on your own (better off, maybe (there's less stress this way, and nobody can hurt you.))

Summer is long (but it goes really fast) and the sun never sets (playing games with my head) and I have all the time in the world (and nothing to do) and I'm trying to get a job (but I'd rather be with you) I'm watching the world go on around me (they seem busy, occupied) I'm wondering if time gets dizzy (going so fast and so slow at the same time.)

Trying to forget (but it's hard) and my battery is depleting (just wanna break down and cry) and I miss him (so much it hurts) but he doesn't miss me (and that hurts) so I try to forget (or else he'd have called (he didn't call (or the phone forgot how to ring)))

Come back (I miss you) won't you come back (I thought you loved me) won't you stay by my side (just call me) won't you stroke my hair and tell me I'm amazing (like you used to do) won't you waste a few minutes (just to call me, just to talk to me, just to let me know you care) don't I deserve even a minute (guess not)

I don't want to (but I have to) I hate it (but you made me) you pushed me away (and all I could do is go) you pushed me away (you pushed on my heart and it fell off a cliff, you pushed on my soul and it fell into the flame, you pushed on my love and crushed it with your weight. You'd rather be alone so you got rid of me, and now I can't ever come back. (Didn't you stop to think that it would hurt me? Didn't you stop to think that I love you?))

Why does everyone push me away (like I'm poison, like I'm to be avoided. Like you hate me.) Well, I guess then I'll go away (so you don't have to push anymore) just e alone by myself (don't wanna be pushed anymore.)



sorry if its long.