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View Full Version : what do you think? *short story*


MoonlitRose09
06-03-2006, 07:58 PM
Tonight - the night of all nights, awaited me. As I crossed over the threshold of warm cheerfulness, it welcomed me with a cool embrace. The stars, barely visible, danced in the distance. A soft gentle breeze blew around me, rippling the thin fabric of my dress, like a distant memory. You came a bit late, but still took my breath away as you carried me into that romantic night.

I was never like the other girls, who longed to be princesses, swept off their feet by their knights in shining armor. No…I always wished I was an angel. But tonight, I felt like I princess; beautiful and with her handsome knight. Never before had the night seemed so perfect and had I loved you more. You made me feel like the most special girl alive…one smile and I was willing to do anything for you. One word and I was at your command.

I stood there in my red dress, beaming. He moved closer to me, his face in the shadows. He whispered, and I listened to words so sweet, they dripped venom. Suddenly, I stepped away, shaking my head. My lips issued words of disbelief. My happiness faded and was displaced with an expression of such hurt it was indescribable.

My dark hair fell over my face, as my captivating eyes brimmed with tears. I, the beautiful princess, transformed into a rag doll, limp and dry as dust. My make-up smudged as tears rolled down my porcelain cheeks. Ashamed, I turned around and started to walk away. After walking in silence for hours, I finally reached my home. Only then, did I turn around, and look up at the bright stars. “But I thought you loved me…”

SxC_bIaTcH76
06-04-2006, 12:35 AM
i like that story, kinda fake though u no what i mean

rhetoric_a
06-04-2006, 05:36 AM
kinda fake though u no what i mean
hmm.. I agree, I think. It's meretricious, almost mandatory. It's not enjoyable to read because it seems as if you've tried to adapt a strict reading manual with a flowy piece of literature. I think the idea is very over-used, which might be the problem. It could act like an commanding plot that's already been thought out before you got there. You understand?

On the other hand, the descriptions, what's left of literary value, are quite compelling (ignoring the cliche ideas behind them).

I've got a tip: Get a scrap piece of paper and write what comes to mind. Just go from there..

TheRevenge
06-04-2006, 05:45 AM
I think its quite good... A bit hard to understand though. What actually happens in it?