This is a basic summary of a movie that Im trying to write a script for. Its based on a true story of my life.


Joshua of 15 years Is failing in school and cannot handle highschool nuntheless college. Thusforth his dad and him always fight and his dad will not provide financial backing for him to get into college, His dad always keeps him on lockdown in his house so he cant get a job because hes more different than his dad. Its like his dad is setting him up for failure and tells him the only way to make money is through the hard labor way.He trys for support from his mom but since her serious sickness his dad has reduced her significance to being the breadwinner to being the person with no say in family affairs. His dad also informs Joshua that when he turns 18 he will be getting kicked out of the house to live on the streets, He has even done so far to stop all his family members from taking him in. So the boy has 3 years to become rich or to become a failure the ball is in his hands. So hes willing to try any scheme to get rich. Will he make it?

What do you think

I think that you shouldnt of put that on the internet any one could steal your idea

Im not worrying about it because if they did they are gonna get a big ass lawsuit its copywritten

Im not worrying about it because if they did they are gonna get a big ass lawsuit its copywritten

Sure they will. This sounds like a failed Dawson's Creek pilot and therefore it sounds like shit.

What do you mean?

I think the plot is about a 7/10 but its more like a comedy/drama movie. Imma barricade it with funniness because im working with a Comedian from richmond VA That is really funny.

i think it woulld be interestin but u kno 50s movie? it sounds like anotha one of those. kinda...

There is still a lot of the plot that is a suprise. I dont even want people to know about it until they hit the theater.

Stop comparing me to other godly scriptwriters. Its a basic comedy and documentary thats what its built for to tell a story about my life.

What does anyone else think?

isnt there like a film/ tv series like that?

i cant think of what though

I havent a clue I just know thats what my life is right now. But what do you think of it though?

well its just completely unoriginal.. ive heard that story done a million times and no offense, but i doubt you'd do anything spectacular to make it stand out above the rest; especially with no actual film training and education.

i understand that it is your life.. but its not that crazy of a life story.. u know what i mean? it's not really out of the norm.

Trust me it has other stuff in here that im too embarassed to put on ts other problems in my life like serious problems. Plus it has a theme to it which is my skill and building up in the world.

Lemme take a crack at it:

hook:You need something within the first five pages to attract your audience. It would be funny to let's say show the father, and how crazy he might be.
inciting incident: This is usually on the fifteenth page. Up till now, everything about your character's life seems normal. However something happens to him which propels the story forward. You can include here that his father tells him that when he turns eighteen, he'll be kicked out of the house and onto the streets.
first act climax: Since your character is now faced with a dilemma, he must act upon it. Having your character garner a scheme to get rich, would be a good example. He can say to himself: "Hey, I want to be rich". This usually happens at page 30, which ends the first act.
turning point one: This usually tightens the plot somewhere before page 50. At this point, he can make something which will make him rich and have gratitude from the entire community.
halfway point: Usually smack dab on page 60, this is the part of the story where you character faces challenges, that are making him/her consider giving up. This also changes the flow of story. Let's say the kid's father was in charge for the first half of the story, the kid is now with a successful business of newly garnered money.
turning point two: Another point of the story where the plot is tightened.
climax 2/moment of truth: Right on page 90, this can be the part where you character questions his actions, and if it is right. Before this point, your character can strike it rich, beat his dad's expectations, but completely loses sight on what morality is, and his old good character. He can be filled with greed, which makes all his friends, including his father ashamed, and they leave him.
final climax: This is the sole focus point out of your entire story. Everything was set up for this point. Here, the main character changes himself and realizes that riches are not the only thing in life. It was really making something of himself, and making his father proud. This can be the theme and lesson of the story, which you can illiterate here.
resolution: Tie up any knots left here. It might be neat if you can have the father and son go out to a ball game or something, to show how they have gotten closer. Something money can't buy.

For more info on the outline process (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Screenwriting_Theories)
This is an excellent tool to get your work in proper script format (http://www.finaldraft.com/support/demos.php4?prod=fdwin)

Just an example. Good luck. :)

You are a godsend thank you.

it sounds pretty tight very interesting to see wat it would be like

Thanks man im most def gonna move with this idea.

I'd defienately watch it.

Thanks for all the positive feedback guys.

id watch it if it has futuristic shotguns gunned by three legged metrosexual people.. or japanese animation characters... i guess there's really no difference. :D... i think my big criticism on your idea is just the fact that its a true story on your life.. but your life really is still in the beginning stages... my thoughts are maybe wait for your life to really take form.. like it seems like this chapter of your life that u want to make a movie about is still happening... maybe wait until this stage is over to complete it... just write it as u go on in life... i dunno, i think the end product could be quite good in that case.

I want it to be teen based also.

Bump more thoughts.

Bump

Sucks. Generic. Boring.

Thats your opinion its my life. Its going to be based on my life, Plus you havent seen it all yet.

if u wanna sell sumthing, u shouldnt be "hiding" the good stuff, because nobody's gunna look twice if they just see a generic teen life trying to be sold

itd be like if in Roots they forgot to mention that Kunta Kente was a slave from Africa.

But the fact is that the special part could get stolen.

then in a sense isnt posting this here pretty pointless? if its not really what the movie is supposed to be, but just a tad that duznt make it stand out at all.. maybe its better left unsaid.

For example: say i come on here to talk about a video game i want to make. and i say its a First Person Shooter dealing with alien invasions.. BUT! i have a twist that i wont tell u about..

that is smart for not saying what could be stolen.. but then because the other portion is so generic. it kinda brings me to say "who cares"

Im just asking what do you think of the basic plot.

here's your problem broseph: whenever someone critisizes your work, you just say "oh, but there's more!" well that doesnt cut it. when you pitch a film or show to a network or company, they dont just read the script off the bad, you have to sum it up in about three sentances.

"a man gets into a taxi cab in L.A, this guy is an assassin. he has five hits to make over the night and takes the cabbie with him. over the course of the night the cabbie and the killer form a sort of strange bond."


"a suburban man sick of life as it is, goes on a sort of spiritual journey, becoming infatuated with his daughters best friend. the rest of the story follows the lives of quirky, but deep people who live in this suburban mans neighborhood, and how thier lives clash."

"a robot is sent back in time to kill the woman who will come to give birth to a revolutionary who opposes the machines who rule the future. this revolutionaries best friend goes back in time to protect this woman from the killer robot, and the two fall in love."


those are three plots from three great movies: Collateral, American Beauty and The Terminator. all in three sentances, and all pretty well summed up, giving a broad but good idea of what the film is going to be about. you've just written a bunch of shorthand character developement that doesnt go anywhere, and when someone points that out, you promise more but dont offer any.

But the fact is that the special part could get stolen.

You lose whatever respect you never had from me.

I could care less.........

In all fairness it's not as cliched as people are making it sound, but I probably wouldn't be interested in watching it based strictly on what I've heard so far. It just sounds really complex, like you want to squeeze a couple plots/problems into one movie. I think one thing it needs is to have one specific problem going on, and all situations somehow relating to that one problem.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, keep working at it. It's not a totally horrible idea, but it definitely needs major work before being sent out.

Joshua of 15 years Is failing in school and cannot handle highschool nuntheless college. Thusforth his dad and him always fight and his dad will not provide financial backing for him to get into college, His dad always keeps him on lockdown in his house so he cant get a job because hes more different than his dad. Its like his dad is setting him up for failure and tells him the only way to make money is through the hard labor way.
so u write about the financial problems here right.. but then!

Im going to be getting the 60 gig version in the black color.
this was referring to the PS3 when it comes out (which is 600 dollars US keep in mind).. and then!

Im going to stick with my gaming laptop.
u have a gaming laptop which again would not be by any means cheap.

if you really have it so hard financially u think u wouldnt be able to have this stuff.. or at least would keep the money aside for schooling if you really need it... i have a good full tiem job right now and i am saving up for school.. and even with parents that are willing to help as much as they can (which isnt terribly a lot) i still need all the money i can saved up. even with all the money i have i definitely cant afford to be using money on really expensive wants because i have a lot of needs to fulfill.. so just wondering why u would have that stuff if ur in need of funding for your future?.. not to mention that if you are doing a lot of gaming and failing school, u might wanna concentrate more on school than on games and movie ideas for now.. just a thought.

Didnt I tell you there is a part missing to it? There is a reason I am getting money besides working.That is the twist this movie is based about.

ur probably a drug dealer or sumthing then if its a "twist".. or else u get funding from the cool fund institute for being cool

Im not a drug dealer.

Then he's a pimp.

See now, if he like...pimped out his ultra sick mother, and was threatening her life if she told his father, or even better, if she were making the sacrifice so her son could go to school...well, then I'm hooked.

But I probably shouldn't have put that idea up, because it might get stolen.

or maybe its his illegal lawn mowing business.. also a movie idea to be stolen.. shit why did i say it!

Actually..... that sounds pretty good, catchy, i thought it would be somethin like the o.c(even though thats a good show) its, just that, that story is what everything is about these days, but if it's your life....its a good idea SO RUN WITH IT!!!!!! :-)

or maybe its his illegal lawn mowing business.. also a movie idea to be stolen.. shit why did i say it!
Do you consider that an insult?

i just consider this whole movie idea to be an insult to the film industry and to people that are truly in the toughest of tough situations. Talk to people that have faced genocide in their nation, or go outside and find the homeless child that was abandoned by his parents early on and would only wish of even having ideas for movies or any family to love them. Talk to the innocent people that have been illegally jailed and tortured due to slightly different religious or political beliefs. Talk to the people that are forced to leave their family to come to a country where they don't know the language or culture at all and are made to do borderline slave labor while being completely unaware of all family and friends safety... I'm not saying your issues aren't bad, but I'm saying there are a lot more tragic stories of survival that im sure appeal to a bigger mass of people because there is a lot more terror and heart behind them. Would you rather watch a movie about josh the teen that wants to make it in a slightly disfunctional household or about Rwanda and a man that saves thousands of lives from a genocide...

any thing with demon killin im there and romance

i just consider this whole movie idea to be an insult to the film industry and to people that are truly in the toughest of tough situations. Talk to people that have faced genocide in their nation, or go outside and find the homeless child that was abandoned by his parents early on and would only wish of even having ideas for movies or any family to love them. Talk to the innocent people that have been illegally jailed and tortured due to slightly different religious or political beliefs. Talk to the people that are forced to leave their family to come to a country where they don't know the language or culture at all and are made to do borderline slave labor while being completely unaware of all family and friends safety... I'm not saying your issues aren't bad, but I'm saying there are a lot more tragic stories of survival that im sure appeal to a bigger mass of people because there is a lot more terror and heart behind them. Would you rather watch a movie about josh the teen that wants to make it in a slightly disfunctional household or about Rwanda and a man that saves thousands of lives from a genocide...

So dont make a movie because im in america? Come on man, Its a comedy movie its meant to be funny its a litltle bit of drama but that is it.

Im not worrying about it because if they did they are gonna get a big ass lawsuit its copywritten

Of course it is darling.

So dont make a movie because im in america? Come on man, Its a comedy movie its meant to be funny its a litltle bit of drama but that is it.

no, he's saying dont make a movie because your plot and themes are completely irrelevant and unoriginal, and how fucking big-headed do you have to be to base a movie on yourself? you're not Antwon Fisher, get over yourself.

no, he's saying dont make a movie because your plot and themes are completely irrelevant and unoriginal, and how fucking big-headed do you have to be to base a movie on yourself? you're not Antwon Fisher, get over yourself.

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