i wrote this when i was madd pissed...please comment


i was in love with being in love, the idea of it all
the feeling of forgetting , and that constant fall
i tried convincing myself that you had no impact
like you were convenient, just part of the act
always chasing after something so out of reach
love never belonged to me, so i couldn't preach
but for the first time in ages i felt i didn't need you
the forgetful careless feeling was long overdue
so i lived my life, you rarely crossed my mind
i've gone on to betterr things, and put it all behind
i won't hold a grudge and to that i'll
no need to apologize, im over it

Hmmmmm, captialise the 'i's for first narration. And maybe 'love' = Love for more emphasis. Good flow though, and rhyme there. Maybe try out a poem which doesn't rhyme, but overall, it was ok.

No, the flow wasn't very good at all. The rhyming seems forced in a lot of areas, for example..."the feeling of forgetting , and that constant fall' That sounds very forced and it sounds like there should be more to that thought.

The rhyming is scetchy, sometimes it does and sometimes it dosn't. For example, why doesn't the last line rhyme?

oops i meant 'and to that i'll commit' instead of 'and to that i'll' but thanks i'll remember that

anyone else?