Ok this is a poem I wrote way back when in 2004 lol. So yeah, I'm just looking for some ideas to help make this better or comments or critisizem. Thanks! ;)

Being rejected hurts...
Being lied to hurts...
It's not only a sin...
But is like an awful din...

The buzz of a fly...
The nails on a chalboard...
It gives you that shiver down your spine...
It gives you that horrible feeling inside, doesnt it?...

Being rejected or lied to is the same...
Knowing there is something missing inside of you...
Gives you the shivers...
Doesn't it?...

Your not skinny enough...
Your not popular...
Your hair's to long...
Your butt's to big...

The reasons we leave people in the cold...
Sad...
People are equal...
Or atleast that's what they say...

But here I stand today....
15 years old...
You know what I see?...
I see the fear...in YOUR eyes...

I see racism...
I see communism...
I see teasing...
And I see hate...

You wake up every morning...
Knowing you are going to fight this battle...
Where peace is not your prize...
Just another battles tomorrow...

But...
Why not start your day with a smile?...
That's right...
A smile...

Why not wake up...
Go get the newspaper...
Feel the fresh air in your face...
And send your neighbor a nice "Hello!" or "Goodmorning"

How about going to Chruch?...
Why not pray?...
And bless the Lord...
For being here today...

A smile...
A hug...
A pat on the back...
These are the things that make peoples days...

If we all work together...
And follow our dreams...
Together as one...
We can find world peace...


Ok that was the poem, wooo. Lol. :D

Geez, does it really suck that bad? Someone say something. Lol.

its a good poem, but its a bit well choppy. you could do with out the dots off every line, only use them when the moment seems right to strengthen a mood. use a bit more vocabulary, dont be repatitious. all in all great poem.