I was going to post this tomorrow, but I need some help with the title, I don't know whether to choose 'The Coffee Rendezvous' or 'A Coffee Rendezvous'. Even though the thread title is "A Coffee Rendezvous" I don't know which is better, so I'll choose the ACR. Comments/ Criticisms welcome and appreciated.



-The Coffee Rendezvous-


Delectable coffee aromas dance their frenzy,
Alluring the Lovers to become hypnotised
Seductive words are Sin’s trademark
Exotic promises fulfill his wolfish eyes
Those damask opals are illuminated
By the Serpentine flames
The Prince of Darkness is reborn
As he embraces the Gazelle
Swaying casually before him.

The caffeine miasma billows
From the two brimming goblets
Balanced neatly upon the side.
Monotonous amber and crestfallen rubies
Embroider the inflamed girth.

The Dark Horse’s misty fingers curl around both stems
Clutching tightly -
Her soul and inner thoughts
That are preserved within sinful memories of the jaded crystal
Allowing him to magically turn her Life upside down.

A quiet ‘chink’ is uttered ..
As the goblets collide together
“To us,” he murmurs,
His hand calmly relaxed upon her waist
The damsel nods feverishly, aware of his every move.

Another jewel dazzles,
Laced onto the gauzy ribbon around Rose’s neck.
The heat sizzles, a sudden hiss erupts
As the rim touches her tender skin
Tears of realisation escape
Ebbing along the surface,
Masking the shame.

She watches him, unable to break free
Of this blessed token they share,
They stand there, bathed by the candlelight,
Spellbound by Love -
The perfect match, it seems.

©2005

Well to me, the word "the" always gives more emphasis than a generalisation of one individual item/activity whatever, but I really dont think it should affect the overall quality of the piece at the end of the day to be honest with you Laura.

BTW Glad to see your anime avatars back again =) Is it sailor venus you have there? although I could very well be mistaken. I wouldent be supprised ... Lol

PS;_ 'She watches him, unable to break free
Of this blessed token they share,
They stand there, bathed by the candlelight,
Spellbound by Love -
A perfect match, it seems.'

^^Loved that! Your words enchant me with such beauty Loz! :liz:

Well done, a true classical piece to add to the ever growing collection of other masterpieces.

Well to me, the word "the" always gives more emphasis than a generalisation of one individual item/activity whatever, but I really dont think it should affect the overall quality of the piece at the end of the day to be honest with you Laura.

BTW Glad to see your anime avatars back again =) Is it sailor venus you have there? although I could very well be mistaken. I wouldent be supprised ... Lol

PS;_ 'She watches him, unable to break free
Of this blessed token they share,
They stand there, bathed by the candlelight,
Spellbound by Love -
A perfect match, it seems.'

^^Loved that! Your words enchant me with such beauty Loz! :liz:

Well done, a true classical piece to add to the ever growing collection of other masterpieces.

Bless. lol its actually kenshin agin although I do have some sailor moon photos. I'm hoping that when we get a scanner, I can scan in some of my friend's drawings and use them as my advatar. Hmmm, I'll edit it, but I thought it sounded similar to a piece I suggested a title for earlier yesterday. Ahh well. Thanks for the review Pips =) :hug: :liz:

Bless. lol its actually kenshin agin although I do have some sailor moon photos. I'm hoping that when we get a scanner, I can scan in some of my friend's drawings and use them as my advatar. Hmmm, I'll edit it, but I thought it sounded similar to a piece I suggested a title for earlier yesterday. Ahh well. Thanks for the review Pips =) :hug: :liz:
No probs Loz :) ile look foward to those avatars then ;)

No probs Loz :) ile look foward to those avatars then ;)

mm lol well thx once again for the views =) Much appreciated! :)

-bump-

Hey aura,
Once again, a thrilling masterpiece I'll add the ever growing collection-I think someone stole my line from me, lol, jk-anyway, It was a wonderful and unique modern poem. :D I enjoyed your vivid adjectives and riviting imagery. It was amazing, but this is just a nit picky thing...I would but=A perfect match, it would seem=instead of the other one, but that's just me, about the title, I would go with The, but either way the overall quality of the poem won't be affected. :date: Hope to see you again soon. :cheek: :woohoo:

Hey aura,
Once again, a thrilling masterpiece I'll add the ever growing collection-I think someone stole my line from me, lol, jk-anyway, It was a wonderful and unique modern poem. :D I enjoyed your vivid adjectives and riviting imagery. It was amazing, but this is just a nit picky thing...I would but=A perfect match, it would seem=instead of the other one, but that's just me, about the title, I would go with The, but either way the overall quality of the poem won't be affected. :date: Hope to see you again soon. :cheek: :woohoo:



Meh. Just Meh.

Seriously now, I've only just realised all my recent stuff has been roaming about Love etc. I must change that. Eh thanks for the nit pick points, I'll edit that. :eek2: And watch out for the bag :eek:

Great poem, as all he others I have read by you. You really know how to set a mood, and your vocab never stops to impress me. I prefer A Coffee Rendezvous, don't know why, just sound better in my ears.. Anyway, keep up the good work :)

thanks :) I like to make my work evocative, using visualisation, the mood comes along naturally, if that makes any sense.