To Let Go
Do tears ever run out
Do they ever run cold
I am the one who runs
into a corner
A corner of sadness and fear
Where I must bear
My soul...
To the completely unknown
To the untold
Who tell me...I cry for nothin
Really? Then what makes them run?
Down my eyes, Leaving a single drip on my eyelash
Which I am forced, to blink away
Down the curve of my lips leaving a salty drip which I am forced,
to lick away
On my chin hangin oh so sleek and thin,
Which I allow to stay
Because at that point the tear becomes apart of me,
somethin that I created
But still I will let it go
If only I had someone who loves me,
To wipe it away

I am happy that you all read it, or looked at it, or whatever u did.
But I am askin that u please rate it 1-10 and give constructive critism

Well i really don't like the idea of rating poetry or other peoples work, but i will say that i love you description, and it is a ver good poem.Good Job.

~Ashley

thank you :)

no prob, I also hate it when people just look and don't coment or anything

Eh. It didn't let me post the original one I did, so I'll try and simplify what I'll put in this one.


The first two lines are questions, are they not? So they will need a question mark at the end of them.

Here:
My soul...
To the completely unknown
To the untold

Doesn't really tie in well. If you wanted to half-rhyme you would have to take out the middle line as the assonance supports rhyme.


Who tell me...I cry for nothin = 'tells' - another question mark needed there perhaps? Maybe an apostrophe on the end of nothin because you back-clipped the last letter.

This line unbalances the whole piece. And instead of using 'down' again, perhaps use something which will link it to your idea there of 'run' so maybe 'races down the curve of my lips'
Down the curve of my lips leaving a salty drip which I am forced to lick away. This is all one line so it would have to have a comma between drip and which.

Eg. Down the curve of my lips leaving a salty drip,
Which I am forced to lick away

You could be more dramatic here by making the 'oh' - 'Oh! So sleek'
On my chin hangin oh so sleek and thin,

Need to change the word 'thin' to something else. It seems a bit weaker here with the word 'thin'.

Again you back-clipped the last letter so unless it is rap or something, an apostrophe is needed there. And in 'still I will let it go' - did you mean 'But still I will not let it go' ?

somethin that I created
But still I will let it go

It needs some more simplistic verbs which produce images - at least a few.

Just a few suggestions here. Otherwise, 6.5/10

Thank you...finally some constructive criticism.
With all the apostrophes and misspellins and grammar checks and stuff when I write I dont edit because I write when I feel that certain emotion so by me goin bac and changin that when I feel a different emotion I feel like that is phony.But that is your opinion and I thank u for sharin it with me
~*1*~

No problem. :) Happy to give some helpful criticsm to those whom request it. I find Grammar slightly hard myself so I always send my poems to my bf first before posting on here, double checking.

:)

It seems far too trite.
It's okay that the subject matter is what it is, but your choice of words are no different than any other depressed soul.
I suggest expanding your vocabulary; it may help in the long run.