Note: This poem was personal, so I actually know what I was going for. It's quite possible that you think it's aweful.

Hollowed eyes look out at a bright world
Birds are chirping
The sun is shining
She’s surrounded by people who love her.
But she doesn’t see a thing.
Inside her mind there’s a world of black
With broken hearts
Shattered dreams
And insults and insecurities
Surrounding her very being.
It’s obvious she’s not happy
From the way she sees
Without really seeing anything at all
She’s a zombie
Numb to the pain inside
Not wanting to feel
Not wanting to see
Not wanting to know.
Maybe ignorance is bliss.
Her friends are ignorant
They don’t notice the pain
They’re happier that way too
Less for them to deal with.
Without her problems
They can live a happy life.
Go about they’re day
With they’re heads up high
Facing what ever comes their way.
But she’s so close to tears
That at any given moment
She’s going to burst.
There’s too much to handle
She just can’t take it anymore.

wow! very good poem!!! its kinda like my kind of poems. thats stuff i write about as well.well it is a great poem keep up the good work!

wow that was really good. i like it cause it reminds me of myself. i like it a lot. pleez post more. :clap:

Thanks, it was my first free verse. My other's aren't.

wow :eek2: this seriously makes me want to cry :cry: i mean i could feel the sadness as i read it. and you inspired me to write a new poem so thank you :cutie: and please keep writing i really enjoyed this poem.

Thanks again.

Vivid beginning. Loved the description of the 'Hollowed eyes.'
Continue this all the way through, it might get you somewhere.

That zombie idea was random though. Check the 'they're's. Some of them are incorrect.
Eg. With they’re heads up high = With their heads up high.

Break it up into stanzas. Or at least two stanzas. Otherwise, enjoyable.

Someone else has to have an oppinion.

great poem u r really good