do you hear me
crying out to you
will you help me
pull this through
i need someone
to love me
to kiss away the pain
and not to blame me
for every little thing
when something goes wrong
but your all the same
you never seem to care
that this pain is right there
to open up and let you in
i do not dare i
i don.t wanna get hurt again
i dont deserve the pain....
i need to go somewere i belong
and were i can stay for so long
i take this blade razor and knife
the only way to end this pain
is to end this fucked up life

that is a good poem. the only suggestions i have are to watch spelling and punctuation.

all i have to say is, cry me a river

and u mean what by that sybarret thanks for the advice

It needs imagery, it is very bland on that area and the spelling and punctuation is horrible, sorry to say, but it is, correct it please. Check any poem for grammar before posting it

good poem but the spelling and grammar drove me crazy. overall very emotional and powerful. it should be published. ive read so many excellent poems on here but i cant do anything for them but praise them and build self esteem for the writers so they get better and write even more...... anyway, that pretty much had no point just wanted to say incredible poem plz write more i would love to read it!

yeah sorry about my spelling i am realy bad at that i was sooo up set when i worte it but thanks for the adivce

I could be nice and say it was okay, but I wont. It was horrible, and cliche. Do you realize how trite this subject is? Buck up? Please? Oh, and you should consider writing a poem that doesn't rhyme. It's not that hard to find a word that sounds like another word, and call it poetry. I understand your life might be "tough" or "fucked up" but come on, look at it from a different perspective.

I could be nice and say it was okay, but I wont. It was horrible, and cliche. Do you realize how trite this subject is? Buck up? Please? Oh, and you should consider writing a poem that doesn't rhyme. It's not that hard to find a word that sounds like another word, and call it poetry. I understand your life might be "tough" or "fucked up" but come on, look at it from a different perspective.

I'm starting to like you, kid.

I could be nice and say it was okay, but I wont. It was horrible, and cliche. Do you realize how trite this subject is? Buck up? Please? Oh, and you should consider writing a poem that doesn't rhyme. It's not that hard to find a word that sounds like another word, and call it poetry. I understand your life might be "tough" or "fucked up" but come on, look at it from a different perspective.


Summed it up in a few lines
No offence meant, but one has to admit, it was cliche. (Been done before).
Wrap it up and present it in a different way. Add more imagery, to balance out that amount of emotion you have in there. Yet again, it is a cutting work, I don't mean to attack you by writing your feelings out on paper, aka typing your works up but the board seems to be overflowing with cutter works. We do like a change from these type of works now and then...

that is a really good poem i really like it ;) keep up the good writing lol

i liked it and i thought it was very good .. it has great potential but it could use a lot of work and i stress that alot in the spelling and grammar area.. good poem keep up the good work. :)

yeah like i said i am a very bad speller i cant spell that good neither can any one in my family and u said look at life from a diffrent perspective waht do u mean

Different perspective = different view, different tense.

I didn't like it much. It was slightly boring. It needs more drama and excitement. Try using more literary techniques. Theres a reason for them. Keep trying, and your poetry will improve. Try a different topic. Not all poetry has to be depressing and suicidal.

thats how i feel i can,t lie and write about happy shit i am sad and depressed and thats how i am i am not happy and i don,t think i ever will be

thats how i feel i can,t lie and write about happy shit i am sad and depressed and thats how i am i am not happy and i don,t think i ever will be

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh, you're serious? *shakes head*

what do u mean why are u laughing???????????????????????