Sunlight falls upon this day
I must end our time. I cannot stay
Your face becomes a shadow of the night
But your tears still shine with the moonlight
A vision of beauty. God's flower. Life's gem
I must leave you behind. Till our souls meet
In heaven's den.
I pray you live a blessed life
free of trouble free of sorrow.
But I shall never know. I will never see you again.
Insdie I can hear you screaming, silently dying.
As I walk into the night to my next life.
And every tear I shed. I shed for you.
I bid you Farewell.

well written, but it sounds a little cliché. but if that doesnt bother you than more power to ya. i like your writting style. but one thing i dont understand is this phrase "I can not not stay" that means you cant not stay therefore you CAN stay but in the rest of the poem you leave. this confuses me. i beleive the second cant is a typo. if its not then i really dont unederstand. other than that it was good. keep it up

Superb. It is just slightly cliche, but cliche works in this!

Here:


I can not not stay

The two negatives together doesn't reallly fit. It sort of breaks the flow a little. At least, I think it would be better if it was just 'cannot'.

One typing error in there : 'inside'

and there again:

Insdie I can hear you screaming, silently dying.
As I walk into the night to my next life.
And every tear I shed. I shed for you.
I bid you Farewell.

You could place that in a different order. (It may achieve more effect if you put salutations before the end).

Eg.


Insdie I can hear you screaming, silently dying. (stops the flow, too many fullstops)
I bid you Farewell. (statement, so needs one there)
As I walk into the night to my next life
And every tear I shed - (breaks up text) I shed for you.

So it should look like this :

Insdie I can hear you screaming, silently dying
I bid you Farewell.
As I walk into the night to my next life
And every tear I shed - I shed for you.

:sway: :sway: :hyper:

I forgot to put - just a suggestion. The farewell links in with the death bit :) But I thought it was superb at any rate. :)