Mother i hate you,
Father you too!
Mother dont call me Jack,
Father always just turn your back!
I tried to be the best i can!

Am i not smart enough?
Hell i tried when time are tough!
All smother Tamika now!
What did i do i wonder how!
I suppose thats the life for the oldest..

Mother do what you usually do!
Beat me till my head almost caves through.
give me pain a little longer,
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
Now look at me a little older.

You turned your back like dad did.
Im no longer a little kid.
Walking the path of red and black.
Stop calling me Jack!
I aint your perfect little boy!

Pay attention to your girl,
Smother her it makes me hurl!
You abandon me and leave me alone,
Dont even bother to call me phone.
I hate you mum and i hate you dad!
Look at your son now gone bad!

i liked it but there are few things i think u could change to make it flow a little better. I thought the weakest part of the whole poem wuz the stanza the started w/You turned your back...it just could be a little better i think. i really think that there needs to be some kind of adjetive (sp) before u say Jack in that stanza. i would also change the "almost caves in" to nearly caves in. typo... me to my phone.
i personally would change the last few lines to this:

I hate you mum!
You too dad!
Now look me...
Your son gone bad!

i did that w/the first 2 lines of the stanza that way it would tie in w/the first 2 of ur poem.

also, i would capitalize mum and dad because it wut u call them, so its like their name. overall i liked it!

Thanks...The poem i juts thought of like 5 mins before i started writing it...I then just wrote and i flowed like wine into a glass..

very excellent!
yet another one of your poems i loved!
you express what you feel quite while!
amazing! very amazing!

:) your poem is awsome. I loved it :pink:

:)your poem is awsome I loved it :pink:

Srry about the repeat, I didn't think I posted wat I wrote so I did it again. SRRY again :(

that poem is pretty good, is it based on true events? i feel sorry for you, like i am the oldest, and yeh my mum treats me like shit, and like as u say it "smothers" my brothers, i supose i get jealous of them,do u of ur sister? well i dont live wif my mum, i live in foster care, and even no it gets hard its much better!:)

Thanks people...Yes it was based on true events... Everythign i write about does... Its the only way i write...