I can no longer speak of sisters and men
Beyond the black borders on which they descend
I see valleys no longer than the eyes imaginative glare
wondering about the calling that would never seem to care....

One day, one time, one will, one place
no one can see me in this desolate space

I work among the living
I live among the damned
I thrive upon the lives theyve lived and dreams they'll never have....

"I thrive upon the lives theyve lived and dreams they'll never have...."

think of seperating that into two lines to flow better

i disliked the line with the 4 consecutive "one" things, not very creative when you get past doing it twice and yet berely when doing it ever.

other than that i liked the rhymes, despite the long lines it flowed pretty good