Heart beating some tribal war song,
I set my jaw
And barricade my fortress against you.

But, it isn’t difficult for you to seep in,
You know which lock to pick
With those brown hands.

You tear the paper off my walls-
Some silly floral pattern
That preaches Their perfect life-

And I thank you.
A stuffy life I can’t afford,
I cast it off and drift to new shores.

Ladle me from punchbowl to glass
And drink me down-
I can’t live without you, Gravity.

Though you once pulled me into the grave,
Your lips begged forgiveness
And I obeyed.

Sustained at equilibrium now,
We are weathered fledglings
And you teach me how to fly.

*claps* lovely imagery.

i have no complaints except for "Some silly floral pattern" i didnt like this.

However its was very classy.:)

Originally posted by Qtaboo
Heart beating some tribal war song,
I set my jaw
And barricade my fortress against you.

But, it isn’t difficult for you to seep in,
You know which lock to pick
With those brown hands.

You tear the paper off my walls-
Some silly floral pattern
That preaches Their perfect life-

And I thank you.
A stuffy life I can’t afford,
I cast it off and drift to new shores.

Ladle me from punchbowl to glass
And drink me down-
I can’t live without you, Gravity.

Though you once pulled me into the grave,
Your lips begged forgiveness
And I obeyed.

Sustained at equilibrium now,
We are weathered fledglings
And you teach me how to fly. Please, pick a metaphor and stick with it. This poem is a big pile of worthless garble that was thrown together to sound mysterious and intriquing. Sorry, not happening. Yeah, no one can live without gravity. Otherwise, we would all float up into space and implode. Which your poem already did.

Originally posted by fiyahkrakah
Please, pick a metaphor and stick with it. This poem is a big pile of worthless garble that was thrown together to sound mysterious and intriquing. Sorry, not happening. Yeah, no one can live without gravity. Otherwise, we would all float up into space and implode. Which your poem already did.

Haha. Sorry to dissapoint, but Gravity is just another metaphor.

Originally posted by Qtaboo
Haha. Sorry to dissapoint, but Gravity is just another metaphor. Yup. I'm crushed. I know it was a metaphor. It was a crappy one, which is why I made fun of it. It's sarcasm. Make it your friend. If you 're going to keep writing poetry this shitty, you're going to hear a lot of it.

Originally posted by fiyahkrakah
Yup. I'm crushed. I know it was a metaphor. It was a crappy one, which is why I made fun of it. It's sarcasm. Make it your friend. If you 're going to keep writing poetry this shitty, you're going to hear a lot of it.

Wow, your extremism just makes you so unique.

Anyway, I'm quite aware that it was simply a bunch of random metaphors thrown together for effect. Thanks for the criticism.

Originally posted by Qtaboo
Wow, your extremism just makes you so unique.

Anyway, I'm quite aware that it was simply a bunch of random metaphors thrown together for effect. Thanks for the criticism. No problem. I didn't know I was extreme. I'm glad to know that. I can finally be CRAZY like wakeboarding or skateboarding, or other various activities that end with boarding (like my favorite cow-manure-boarding). Thanks for that. I found my calling. I just thought I was being honest. If your feelings got hurt, maybe you should go buy some new ones. Anyway, I'm quite aware that you're a big pile of shit.

Originally posted by fiyahkrakah
No problem. I didn't know I was extreme. I'm glad to know that. I can finally be CRAZY like wakeboarding or skateboarding, or other various activities that end with boarding (like my favorite cow-manure-boarding). Thanks for that. I found my calling. I just thought I was being honest. If your feelings got hurt, maybe you should go buy some new ones. Anyway, I'm quite aware that you're a big pile of shit.

Yeah...my feelings really didn't get hurt. Nice try, though.

Originally posted by Qtaboo
Yeah...my feelings really didn't get hurt. Nice try, though. That wasn't actually my goal, but thanks for the recognition.