First Kiss

our lips touch
i pull away
scared
worried
does my breath smell?
does his smell?
nervous
anxious
will i bite his lips?
will he bite my tongue?
ready
puckered up
our lips touch again
sparks start to fly
mmm this aint that bad

BY: Janell Pomeroy

Is that suppost to be poetry?

screw you, its just supposed to be something cute.

Uhh.

If it was written by a 2nd grader, I'd be moderately impressed.. maybe...

i like it;) might want to change the last line thou

Originally posted by 1-800-you-wish
Uhh.

If it was written by a 2nd grader, I'd be moderately impressed.. maybe...

:)

when i clicked on your poem, i expected to get a really deep memoir of your first kiss...instead, all that was laid before my eyes is really shallow crap.

It could have been better, but it was cute.

Good Job and God Bless,
Carrie

Originally posted by pinklover88
It could have been better, but it was cute.

This did not impress me.thoug it may be better than the fabulous works dne by a second grader... it was lacking in ornate visuals... i clickedonthis subject wanting to see something somewhat beautiful but all i saw were a bunch of meaningless words. work on your portrayal skills... and don't use ain't. that's slang. tere is no beauty in slang. there is a monsterous ammount of beauty in a first kiss... but it was o suppose. sorry if i sound like a bitch!

Originally posted by disfunkshunal14
This did not impress me.thoug it may be better than the fabulous works dne by a second grader... it was lacking in ornate visuals... i clickedonthis subject wanting to see something somewhat beautiful but all i saw were a bunch of meaningless words. work on your portrayal skills... and don't use ain't. that's slang. tere is no beauty in slang. there is a monsterous ammount of beauty in a first kiss... but it was o suppose. sorry if i sound like a bitch!


Your teachers must have really sucked. Poetry is art. And art is however you want it to be. Structured things suck.

STructure is what makes it. and duh. poetry is an art