note: i did take the last two lines from a taking back sunday song. no, i dont care.

i never noticed you had dimples.
for the three years that i've known you
count this as the first time
i've ever really seen you. and no,
i wasn’t in the passenger seat
while you were driving, so no,
my feet were not on the dash.
but i was in the back. to the right,
& i saw your silhouette
as you sang along to a song
that i do not remember the words to,
but i remember your face.
& i swear i could paint you
with my fingers to the air. and with
each slight of hand there would be
a story about a girl who likes a boy dearly.
& burning stars fell with such velocity that
i didnt have the chance to make a wish
because i was entranced in you and your laugh,
& the sleepy beat of your heart.
and im sorry i kept you awake, but
if it’s not keeping you up nights,
then what’s the point?

i would like to perfect this peice, so any comments would be helpful

it was cool,



the last bit its very good.
my feet were not on the dash. but i was in the back. to the right,

i dont know why that bit needs to be changed...

I love it! I don't think it should be changed? P.S. what TBS song is that from? I don't remember...

I didn't like it. It was unclear to me on what this poem was about for the first 10 lines or so. It seemed to wander and have no direction. Sorry.

Oh, I remember now: Great Romances Of The 20th Century

indeed, Ashes05, thats the song.

thank you all for your comments.
Hobbes88, dont be sorry because you didnt enjoy something that i wrote. you have your own opinion on things, and thats fine
but just so it is said, this poem had a lot of direction. it was written about a specific event, and every moment of that event was hilighted. im sure if you were there this poem wouldnt seem so vauge, but yeah.

:moo: