Beneath your external smile,
to decieve all who care.
Lied something else,
only you knew was there.

Some hopes and dreams,
that couldn't be captured.
Resulted in a great loss,
and to me, a disaster.

To have the will power,
to leave those in vain.
Must have been caused,
by some deep aching pain.

Up high in the heavens,
some believe you are now.
Acheaving all your dreams,
that the real world wouldn't allow

I wish I could join you,
at this time and day.
But I(unlike you) don't have the power,
To make my problems go away.

What hurts me most,
is you were one just like me.
You cared to much about others,
to let anyone see.

And I only know how hard it was,
to put yourself first
But now everyone will know,
that you truely had it the worst
Shannon McLean


Constructive Critisism Only!!!

It's good. I really like that it's vague and not concretely about people who break up or who are sad and cutting themselves. It can mean more than one thing to people.

Thanks...... it's my first poem post... I was worried about what people would say... also looking forwrd to critismism though.....

I'll give you your friendly crticsm.

I like the poem ,the idea, at some parts though, in some stanzas, it didn't seem to flow. Personally, I'm all about how a poem sounds out loud, and some parts just didn't fit.
Otherwise, I really enjoyed it!

I love it

thanks..... I know at some parts it doesn't truely flow.... i guess it's becuase at the time... my emotions weren't really "flowing " per-say.... yeah..... thanks for replying..

i agree, it's good, but there are some akward fits. it's hard to try and fit emotions though, that's like against all the rules of emotions. lol.

yeah..... stupid good for nothing emotions... blah